Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging
Profile by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow
INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They are insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.
The independent and individualistic INTJ manner appears early in life. As children, INTJs are often inwardly focused on their thoughts of the way the world is or ought to be; they enjoy day dreaming. They can be quite stubborn when information relayed to them by authorities, such as parents and teachers, contradicts what they believe. They are sure of their own belief system. INTJs are compelled to establish their own rules, boundaries, standards, and style.
Often at an early age, INTJs make a commitment to furthering their education. The life of the mind is very important to them. Examples abound of INTJs from economically or intellectually impoverished circumstances setting goals for themselves to continue in education, often earning the highest degree possible. INTJ teenagers may be seen as serious and reserved young people who are labeled as bookworms by others. They set internal standards of achievement for themselves and often do well academically. Being sociable is a standard that they rarely think is worth their time and energy.
As adults, INTJs are focused on attaining their inner goals and standards. They set a particular course based on their theory of what ought to be. They work extremely diligently to accomplish what they feel is important. They enjoy what they do and see it as a challenge. They are not easily dissuaded and may regard others’ needs and wants as an impediment to attaining their objectives.
Learning and Working
INTJs learn best when they can design their won approach and when they are able to absorb themselves in an area that interests them. They tend to focus on systems, theories, and constructs relating to universal truths and principles. They prefer challenging teachers, ones who meet their standards. High grade-point averages and test scores tend to characterize INTJs, who like rigorous academic work. Learning needs to be a creative process. Rote memory can be dull and boring for the INTJ. INTJs are diligent in pursuing new ideas and thoughts, and they exert effort to master a given subject. This makes INTJs particularly adept in most school situations. Because of their resourcefulness, thirst for knowledge, and inner needs, INTJs tend to find ways of acquiring knowledge. They gravitate toward libraries, public lectures, courses, and other learners and teachers – sources that offer them information and direction.
At work, INTJs use their conceptual strengths to analyze situations and then develop models to understand and anticipate through relentlessly to reach their goals. They will continue on with their plans, even in the face of adversity and data that might suggest to other more practical types that their goals are no longer feasible. By nature, INTJs are independent individualists. They see their visions so clearly that they are often surprised when others do not see things the same way. INTJs are strong at critiquing and as a result tend to notice the negatives. To them, a job well done should be reward enough in itself. They may neglect to comment favorably on others’ contributions.
INTJs tend to seek occupations that allow them to change the status quo and to design models to express their vision creatively. They desire autonomy and room for growth. They prefer to work in a place in which the future can be planned and where they can work for change in an organized manner. Some occupations seem to be especially attractive to INTJs: computer systems analyst, electrical engineer, judge, lawyer, photographer, psychologist, research department manager, researcher, scientist, university instructor, and other occupations in which long-range vision is essential.
For INTJs, love means including someone in their vision of the world. INTJ men tend to be attracted to partners who enjoy living their lives with and outward vitality and zest. Perhaps it is to compensate for their internal, visionary focus that they often find partners who are more outgoing and may even run interference to help the INTJ deal with the day-to-day world. INTJ women, however, may seek someone more like themselves.
INTJs tend to have a model in mind of how their relationship ought to be. This is less a romantic vision than it is and idea that relates to how the relationship functions in a unique or special way. They tend to withhold their deep feelings and affections from the public and sometimes even from the object of their affections. They can be intensely loyal and caring, even though this is not always expressed in words. INTJs can be generous with their gifts if the gift fits their vision of what ought to be appreciated by their partner. When scorned, INTJs retreat to their own world and may share none of their feelings with others. They may assume that there is a right way for a relationship to end and look for that. They act on the outside as if nothing has happened to them when indeed much has. They may lash out with criticisms of their former loved ones. It may take them a while to recover.
INTJ Profile by David Keirsey
INTJs are the most self-confident of all types, having “self-power” awareness. Found in about 1 percent of the general population, the INTJs live in an introspective reality, focusing on possibilities, using thinking in the form of empirical logic, and preferring that events and people serve some positive use. Decisions come naturally to INTJs’ once a decision is made, INTJs are at rest. INTJs look to the future rather than the past, and a word which captures the essence of INTJs is builder-a builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models.
To INTJs authority based on position, rank, title, or publication has absolutely no force. This type is not likely to succumb to the magic of slogans, watchwords, or shibboleths. If an idea or position makes sense to an INTJ, it will be adopted, if it doesn’t, it won’t, regardless of who took the position or generated the idea. As with the INTP, authority per se does not impress the INTJ.
INTJs do, however, tend to conform to rules if they are useful, not because they believe in them, or because they make sense, but because of their unique view of reality. They are the supreme pragmatists, who see reality as something which is quite arbitrary and made up. Thus it can be used as a tool-or ignored. Reality is quite malleable and can be changed, conquered, or brought to heel. Reality is a crucible for the refining of ideas, and in this sense, INTJs are the most theoretical of all the types. Where an ESTP sees ideas as the pawn of reality, an INTJ sees reality as the pawn of ideas: No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained. INTJs are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them.
INTJs manipulate the world of theory as if on a gigantic chess board, always seeking strategies and tactics that have high payoff. In their penchant for logic, the INTJs resemble the INTPs. The logic of an INTJ, however, is not confined to the expressible logical. Unlike INTPs, INTJs need only to have a vague, intuitive impression of the unexpressed logic of a system to continue surely on their way. Things need only seem logical; this is entirely sufficient. Moreover, they always have a keen eye for the consequence of the application of new ideas or positions. They can be quite ruthless in the implementation of systems, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the INTJs.
To understand INTJs, their way of dealing with ideas should be observed closely. Their conscious thought is extraverted and empirical. Hence, they are better at generalizing, classifying, summarizing, adducing evidence, proving, and demonstrating than are the INTPs. The INTJs are somewhat less at home with pure reason, that is, systemic logic, where principles are explicit. In this respect they resemble the ENTJs. The INTJs, rather than using deductive logic, use their intuition to grasp coherence.
INTJs can be very single-minded at times; this can be either a weakness or a strength in their careers, for they can ignore the points of view and wishes of others. INTJs usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are steady in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither time nor effort on their part or that of their colleagues and employees. INTJs live to see systems translated into substance; an INTP, by way of contrast, is content to design the system. In both these types, however, coherence is the master. Both internal and external consistency are important, and if an INTJ finds that he or she is in a working situation where overlapping functions, duplication of effort, inefficient paper flow, and waste of human and material resources abound, the INTJ cannot rest until an effort is made to correct the situation.
Cost-effectiveness is a concept which has a strong imperative for INTJs, who frequently select occupations in engineering, particularly human engineering. They also can be found in the physical sciences, in roles which require development, such as curriculum building, and, in general, any job which requires the creation and application of technology to complex areas.
Fellow workers of INTJs often feel as if the INTJ can see right through them, and often believe that the INTJ finds them wanting. This tendency of people to feel transparent in the presence of the INTJ often result in relationships which have psychological distance. Thus colleagues find the INTJ apparently unemotional and, at times, cold and dispassionate. Because of their tendency to drive others as hard as they do themselves, INTJs often seem demanding and difficult to satisfy. INTJs are high achievers in school and on the job. On the job, they take the goals of an institution seriously and continually strive to respond to these goals. They make dedicated, loyal employees whose loyalties are directed toward the system, rather than toward individuals within the system. So as the people of an institution come and go, the INTJs have little difficulty-unlike the NFs, who have their loyalties involved more with persons than offices. INTJs tend, ordinarily, to verbalize the positive and eschew comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an institution forward than commiserating about mistakes of the past.
As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. They are the most independent of all types. They will trust their intuitions about others when making choices of friends and mates, even in the face of contradictory evidence and pressures applied by others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJ is apt to express emotional reactions. At times, both will seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact INTJs are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those for whom they care. In social situations, INTJs may also be unresponsive and may neglect to observe small rituals designed to put others at their ease. For example, INTJs may communicate that time is wasted if used for idle dialogue, and thus people receive a sense of hurry from an INTJ which is not always intended. In their interpersonal relationships, INTJs are usually better in a working situation than in recreational situations. They do not enjoy physical contact except with a chosen few.
As parents, INTJs are dedicated and single minded in their devotion: Their children are a major focus in life. They are supportive of their children and tend to allow them to develop in directions of their own choosing. INTJs usually are firm and consistent in their discipline and rarely care to repeat directions given to children…or others. Being the most independent of all the types, they have a strong need for autonomy; indifference or criticism from people in general does not particularly bother INTJs, if they believe that they are right. They also have a strong need for privacy.
The most important preference of an INTJ is intuition, but this is seldom seen. Rather, the function of thinking is used to deal with the world and with people. INTJs are vulnerable in the emotional area and may make serious mistakes here.
At midlife the feeling side of personality should be given much attention by the INTJ, who can work at expanding his or her abilities to respond to wishes and feelings of others. They may also do well to turn more attention to the sensory side of their natures, attempting to get in touch with the joys of good food, good beverages, social rituals, kinesthetic experiences…and play. The “wasting” of time in play is an appropriate target as a midlife task for INTJs who can take lessons from an SP, especially an ESP, in the art of enjoying the pleasures of life.
Wishing to control nature, the INTJ “scientist” probably has more difficulty than all other types in making up his or her mind in mate selection. Even mate selection must be done in a scientific way. It may well be that the narratives, plays, and films impugning the “rational and objective” approach to mating have as their target our thorough-going scientist INTJ. Nevertheless, when young, the INTJ is attracted to the free-wheeling, spontaneous, fun-loving “entertainer” ESFP.
But the INTJ requires that mating meet certain criteria, else it is not undertaken. So the INTJ doesn’t often go through with what is begun by natural attraction. Since he or she proceeds in a rational and methodical way, the selection of a similar temperament is more likely than selection of opposite, following the assumption that those who are similar ought to do well together. The INTJ “scientist” is also attracted to the ENFP “journalist,” probably because of the enthusiastic, effervescent, and apparently spontaneous enjoyment and wonderment this type exudes-the very antitheses of the careful, thoughtful exactitude of the INTJ.
INTJ Ability and Job Satisfaction Characteristics!
You are INTJ, Introverted with Intuition, Thinking and Judging, with INTJ ability, or you are interested in someone who is, and you are perhaps seeking information regarding how the INTJ personality type and associated INTJ ability gleaned from the Myers Briggs Test can perform optimally and at their very best in the workplace. You may also be seeking information as to how INTJ ability can be maximally used in the workplace and how all this knowledge of INTJ ability can increase workplace motivation and job satisfaction for you, and your organization.
You can also learn how knowledge of INTJ strengths and weaknesses in the workplace, that is INTJ ability, can insure that the INTJ will not fall victim to job dissatisfaction which has been termed “Falsification of Type” and which is the core reason an estimated 70% of all the workers in the world dislike (or hate) their jobs!
INTJ Workplace Strengths
INTJ ability and strengths are many and would mean for you in the workplace that you:
- are someone who reaches understanding by contemplating and thinking, pondering things, someone who wants to really think about it
- are reflective, quiet, and prone to consider before acting
- prefer physical work space which allows for privacy and concentration
- participate and speak up after observing and formulating your own impressions and questions; may need to be asked what you think or feel
- regard meeting as taking time away from work and as places where more work gets generated or assigned
- are aware of internal guiding principles, philosophy, and commitments
- focus first on and are most interested in the big picture, global issues, future possibilities; you notice the “forest” before noticing the “trees”
- are speculative and work toward “what if”
- work in bursts, await inspiration, may skip around, pursuing what “strikes your fancy;” may work on several things at the same time
- want a team to have an engaging vision and mission; initiate and enjoy consideration of possibilities or theoretical matters
- arouse energy and zeal, especially for pursuing the mission and for innovations
- may seem distant and/or unapproachable; are direct, sometimes at the cost of being insensitive to others
- focus on the work at hand; don’t allocate much time to get to know others and build relationships
- are naturally critical of ideas and proposals; identify deficiencies in ideas and plans, and impediments to achieving goals
- believe that what is accomplished is more important than how a group works together; expect the best ideas and solutions to emerge from argument and debate; enjoy give and take
- analyze impersonally; are able to step back and be impartial
- champion sticking to the principles
- are dependable, deliberate, decisive, and focused; stick to commitments, plans, and schedules
- are methodical and systematic, and often develop routine approaches to work
Basically those jobs/careers that would allow the INTJ to use the strengths listed above, INTJ ability, as a natural part of doing the job would be the jobs/careers providing maximum workplace motivation for the INTJ. With increased workplace motivation normally follows increased job satisfaction. Likewise, jobs/careers not allowing the INTJ ability to be used will provide much less workplace motivation and consequently much less job satisfaction for the INTJ personality type.
INTJ Workplace Weaknesses
INTJ personality and INTJ ability would include a tendency toward the following workplace weaknesses:
- may need to be asked what you think or feel
- may view meetings as naturally negative events that cause more work than is accomplished by having them
- will have difficulty seeing the big picture
- may have difficulty focusing on one thing for great amounts of time
- want the work of a team to be engaging vision and the mission may have trouble being realistic, practical and in-the-moment for too long
- will be uncomfortable to troubled proceeding without plans
- may hurt others by their natural ability to criticize
- their natural impersonal approach to things may be seen as negative to workplace approachability/relationships
Now take a few moments and consider how INTJ’s behave and perform in the workplace from the following six aspects:
- What Others Might Observe First
- are serious and confident
- are independent, may seem cool and impersonal and distant, and don’t communicate much
- are inquisitive and skeptical, raise questions about everything, e.g., organizational mission, current goals, why we’ve been organized into teams
- have ideas in mind so they propose solutions and give advice (and may be blunt in doing so)
- are comfortable working alone and like to have their own work space
- do their best work when they have a grasp of the big picture and the underlying principles, want to understand something mentally before trying it, and once they understand it may not necessarily be interested in implementation
- function autonomously, often want and provide little feedback or supervision, and may take action without informing or consulting others
- highly value competence in self and others, and like to continue to learn new things and to expand their capabilities
- are not naturally drawn to teams and may appear uninvolved or uncommitted
- boil much of the group’s discussion and deliberation down to essential points or issues
- are intellectually playful, but otherwise earnest
- may not value or be comfortable with the relationship-building aspects of working together (e.g., “small talk,” creating a warm environment)
- project calm and often provide a stabilizing influence
- see change as a means to improve, to address weaknesses and problems in systems, or to achieve specific organizational outcomes; may be less enthusiastic about personal change
- are not particularly responsive to-and may deliberately resist-external pressures, e.g., “This is the latest approach” or “All the other departments are doing it”
- want to know “why,” and take a rational, systematic approach to change, even to the human factors involved
- want to analyze all components, including “irrational” aspects to look for patterns or cause and effect relationships
- may avoid or withdraw unless the conflict is an obstacle to accomplishing something important to them
- sometimes cause conflict without being aware that they are, e.g., may spark discussions and arguments that others experience as conflict, may offer suggestions for improvement that others take as personal criticisms
- under stress, may feel immobilized, have irrational/emotional reactions, or give sudden priority to seemingly insignificant activities or events
- generate and promote “vision,” and take a long-range view of the consequences of today’s deliberations
- able to see things from a new perspective, providing original ideas or insights and synthesizing complex information or diverse perspectives
- drive and readiness to create and improve systems
- advocate focusing energy and resources on activities central to accomplishing the mission
- preserving and determined and sometimes as so confident their position is right that they stubbornly hang on to ideas and visions too long
- competent and self-assured and sometimes as seeming to regard themselves as superior to others
- naturally providing relatively little information, presuming that what is perfectly clear to them is also clear to others
- having demanding standards, and sometimes as being critical of others (as well as themselves) when those standards aren’t met
The Myers Briggs Test can be looked upon sometimes as an ability and personality test. Once you have identified your personality type via the Myers Briggs Test and have some understanding of the associated strengths, weaknesses, abilities and behaviors of your type you can better determine the kind of work environment and associated factors that provide the maximum workplace motivation and job satisfaction for you. Again, view the results of the Myers Briggs Test concerning work as a kind of ability and personality test.
If you would like to study a different personality type link here and go back to the Personality and Work page to find links to the other 15 personality types, follow those links and enjoy!
If you have questions regarding your personality type in the workplace as it relates to using the Myers Briggs Test as an ability and personality test, please do not hesitate to use the Support/Contact Request form on the navigation bar to the left. We would enjoy hearing from you and will try to answer any questions you may have about the Myers Briggs Test and its uses and/or the Myers Briggs focused consultation services offered by Solid Rock Consulting Group, LLC.
INTJ personality is strategic in their thinking always working on system improvement, competent, insightful, living in the world of ideas, conceptualists just to name a few of the INTJ factors that comprise your list of personality traits you can use to find a career that is a natural fit.
Introverted with Intuition, Thinking and Judging your career personality profile would include the following natural tendencies:
- Grasp of possibilities
- Depth of concentration
- Use of logic and analysis
- Ability to organize
- Strong task orientation
- Powers of abstraction
- Willingness to view situations/systems in creative ways
There are more natural traits making up your self personality profile but those above indicate a natural ability for careers found in academic, scientific, theoretical, and technical positions that require prolonged periods of solitary concentration and tough-minded analysis.
Some Famous INTJs can be found here: http://www.celebritytypes.com/intj.php
The INTJ and work
The INTJ personality type will move naturally towards careers that allow you to create and develop original and innovative solutions to problems to improve existing systems; work that allows you to focus your energy on the implementation of your good ideas, working in a logical and orderly way, and in a setting that rewards your perseverance and does not require the repetitive execution of factual and detail-oriented tasks. Examples of careers often chosen by your type as a career personality profile fit include:
ArchitectAttorney: AdministrationComputer Professional*Lawyer: PracticingFederal ManagerManagement ConsultantHuman Resources ManagerChemistry ScientistResearch WorkerSocial Services WorkerElectrical EngineerPhysical Scientist*Computer Systems Analyst & Programming*JudgePhotographer*Chemical EngineerCorporate ManagerUniversity ProfessorPsychologistSocial ScientistElectrical TechnicianActor or Entertainer*Sales ManagerArtistAuditorMusician or ComposerBiology ScientistSchool PrincipalCollege Administration*Writer*Physician: PathologyCredit InvestigatorEditor*Student Personnel AdministrationEngineer: All CatagoriesHealth TeacherEmployment Development SpecialistPhysician: All SpecialtiesResearch AssistantAeronautical EngineerEducation ConsultantGovt. ManagerDesigner*Nursing EducatorDentistFine ArtistCommunity College TeacherRabbiGeneral AdministrationMilitary Officer or Enlistee*
*all of the bolded careers are ones I have done in the past, so I am very close to the INTJ work-style.
Your type is less often found in and attracted by work characterized by a great deal of nurturing work, relationship-oriented work, or work that requires practical, routinized production or delivery of services such as:
Nice read regarding INTJ. Lot of valuable information has been provided.
Thank you Seshadri. Before I took the Myers Briggs exam, I would have told you it wasn’t possible for a test to tell anything about me. After I took the test, I was amazed at its accuracy in predicting general things about me. After 20 years, I am still amazed at its accuracy. The jobs that are bolded near the end of the document are all the types of jobs that I have held and have enjoyed the most. Still working for me.
Some of SoundEagle’s past and present professions are included in the list too. Regarding its accuracy, it is such a long and inclusive list that it is bound to generate a lot of “fits” or “hits” by virtue of its broad coverage.
Ah, a fellow INTJ. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
I am an INTJ. In addition to our normal blunt personality type, I have spent the last decade playing military. My step dad was in the Marines as a young man and he had to point out to me that a lot of people found me intimidating. I was clueless until he told me this. To me, everyone has thin skin. I am going to college now and I try not to scare the fresh out of high school kids, me being a 31 year old combat veteran, INTJ, with an extra twisted sense of humor. I have noticed being such an oddity in this sense gets me a lot of welcoming female attention and brings me a lot of negative male attention. I have a hard time making male friends because they are envious of how at ease and playful I am with women. They buy into the hollywood garbage and I celebrate the art of manliness. When I was in High School I blended in, in the Air Force I blended in. Its weird for me now to stand out. I am trying to embrace, and improve, on leadership qualities; If for no other reason than it can lead to higher paying jobs that give me more power to remove the inefficiencies that I loathe so much! Also it would get me closer to taking everything over and instilling my own concept of a new world order, whether people wanted it or not. Its for their own good really. LMFAO. The nicest thing I have been called is “opinionated”. I am never loved by the group, but always grudgingly respected. I confuse other males who covet the leadership position. Whenever they make a show of authority, they can’t help but look at me to see if I am going to blow them out of the water in front of everyone else. They can not figure out why I am not after social power when I certainly appear to posses the charisma to seemingly take power at will. I get my will done better, behind the curtain, and have very little ego to feed externally.
“The inner strength is sensed by others and most feel threatened and envious. The hate on us and in our immature state we often get pulled down to their negative levels. This can lead to a superiority complex in self defense.”
I was definitely more willing to lead when I was younger, but after a few too many instances of criticism I took on this weird “wounded warrior” role (opposite of a superiority complex). Frankly, I’m fed up with it and have been trying to rise back up to my natural place in life. My inner dialogue has a tremendous impact on whether or not I decide to lead though and that’s something I’ve been working on lately. I’ll read up on transformational leadership. Maybe it could be helpful. 🙂
I am your british version. A Royal Engineer with the same kind of story,
I wonder if any of the INTJ’s feel odd in the US because of the extremely extroverted culture here? I am an INTJ and after a few years, I still feel my scale of values is totally opposite to the normal in this culture. Where people love joining in groups and meetings and social events with plenty of people, I as an INTJ prefer more meaningful gatherings with closer (and less) people. Where people love presentations and groupwork, and the feeling types who like to be around more people are the most highly regarded. It gets to the point where you want them to shut up if what they are going to say is absurd-useless garbage. However, there seems to be almost no way to meet people meaningfully (outside this socially imposed culture) Thanks for the information, it is very interesting.
I absolutely feel this way and have trouble convincing my friends that I am “normal”. One of my good friends is extremely extroverted/feeling. It’s nice to be one on one with her, because are POV on anything is always so dichotomous and the conversations remain interesting, but I can hardly stand to be around a group of EF’s. All I hear is a punch of pointless self-promoting and shallow observations about meaningless garbage!!
i don’t live in the US, but my sister went there once and told me about it, and i feel that if i lived there, i wouldn’t fit in properly with the society and culture, because it seems like everyone is extremely social and outgoing, not to mention really talkative. it would really get on my nerves, something that doesn’t usually happen, because i don’t get angry easily.
🙂 but i love being myself, and i don’t care what people think. i’m starting to suspect that the people around me are jealous…
i’m an INTJ. perfect.
i’m not being sarcastic, i love being myself!
You mean there are countries out there for INTJ’s? WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I’m American and lived there until I was 12 — and I absolutely felt like that. At 12 I moved to the UK and I’ve grown up here. Going back to the US I can really see the difference! In the US people tend to be comfortable approaching and speaking to strangers and as an INTJ that’s slightly terrifying! I imagine a bigger contrast would be between the US and Scandinavian countries, though.
that’s right… from Sweden, temporarily in the US. cannot stand, nor understand, this fake (comes off as fake to me) unnecessary not-minding-their-own-business that people pull off here. already in Sweden I was considered emotionless and cold, just imagine how many hearts I’ve “broken” here…
Interesting read and very accurate profile of an INTJ.
Sethr1, I had to chuckle when reading the section of your post regarding being “grudgingly respected” as that has been told to me as well. Enjoyable read & thanks for sharing.
Perhaps my warped sense of humor coming out, but I find it very amusing when someone is intent on proving me wrong, all the while, basically talking out their hind quarters with illogical arguments to prove their point, and seeing their faces when the reality of their losing battle has set in. Cracks me up every time. 🙂
Lady b, I also win every argument with people because I argue outside my narrow sense of self when they cannot. To the poster above lady b, I do believe american society is contrary to our societal way of thinking, as I have been to 16 different countries and found some of the less cut throat ones, with tighter nit families, absolutely serene. Make no mistake, our gene pool here in america consists of people who flipped off the people back in their native countries who said they were nuts to leave home. To a degree, our country has a disproportionally high number of stubborn bastards. It is what won the west, it is why a 236 year old (baby) country is the worlds most dominant and militaristic society this world has ever seen. The high levels of dominance genes are why our economic system we export worldwide is very “survival of the fittest”. Also why we are the only first world nation where the leaders have been largely unsuccessful in taking away firearms. The U.S., the middle east, africa and a few other random 3rd world asian. countries are the only places that are armed to the teeth still
I also am never at a loss to make a couple more points. I would also recommend googling up a list of countries that still execute people. America, saudi arabia, north korea. Embarrassing company to keep. Advice to other INTJ’s, I have a type theory on us and I would love some feedback. I believe that the rare intj (1-2%), four times more uncommon, but never the less present in women as well….is natures model of the “natural born leader ” type. Whether the full potential is ever realized by the individual will vary. “Some seek leadership, others have it thrust upon them”. We are the thrust upon us type. I believe in, an inverse law of sanity. I believe that in this “sane” world we are insane. At times society becomes “insane”, the insane man becomes the sane man and. vice versa. People know on an intuitive level that an intj is down right independent, and would be least bothered of types during a total society collapse. The inner strength is sensed by others and most feel threatened and envious. The hate on us and in our immature state we often get pulled down to their negative levels. This can lead to a superiority complex in self defense. This drives insecure people nuts and perpetuates a cycle. We were blessed with our leadership qualities and should be the bigger people. Learn to lead by example, its the only true form of leadership. Remember that they Envy your gifts. Attacks on the social “alpha”, are always constant. If the reasonable intj does not seek to fill the leadership role, someone else who wants to glorify themselves, will fill the vacuum. Google transformational leadership, for guidance on the only way leadership can truly happen. Everything else is a system of worshipping the “leader”. A true leader sees the best course for the tribe by being humble. Leadership is not glory, leadership is an exercise in self sacrifice, time and time again. It neither seeks or willing accepts compliments. This would reduce humility and cloud judgment, endangering group survival. You will never be known for the disasters you prevent. Why be a leader then? Because the very minority of evil is done by bad people. The majority by regular people with good intentions. All it takes for evil to transpire, is for good people to not stand up. They know not what they do, an intj does.
thanks for your comments, very insightful. specifically ..
“A true leader sees the best course for the tribe by being humble. Leadership is not glory, leadership is an exercise in self sacrifice, time and time again. It neither seeks or willing accepts compliments. This would reduce humility and cloud judgment, endangering group survival.”
that is how I see it too.
Hello there! I loved this blogpost! Ever since discovering that I’m an INTJ myself and the beauty of the MBTI, I’ve been on a never ending quest to learn more and more about myself. This article was really insightful! I mentioned in my blog! (Don’t worry I gave you credits plus a link to here.) Anyways, good job! 🙂
I took the Myers-Briggs test for the first time yesterday and came up an INTJ. Reading this description was uncanny. I’ve been married for 25 years to a woman that perfectly fits “…enjoy[s] living their lives with and outward vitality and zest. Perhaps it is to compensate for their internal, visionary focus that they often find partners who are more outgoing and may even run interference to help the INTJ deal with the day-to-day world.” I’ve enjoyed a career as an engineer, military enlistee and officer, and I enjoy acting (as a hobby).
I don’t see anything on here about risk-aversion or conflict-avoidance, which is me…but “autonomy” definitely resonates!
Thanks for all the great info!
I’m one of those extremely rare female INTJ’s ..I am amazed at the accuracy of this test. I have to giggle a bit as I read the characteristics of the INTJ …good and bad. My whole life people have called me “Stuck up” ” Unapproachable” ” Hard to read” …I think I will print this up and title it “Lyn’s Operational Manuel” …meanwhile, I have more studying to do.
I also just discovered that I am an INTJ female, and I feel like my eyes have really been opened. I have discovered that a LARGE part of the way I act in society is to fit in with societal norms and to exhibit what is considered acceptable from women. If people knew how often “this shit is a pointless waste of time” was the thought behind a particular action or comment, I wonder what they would think? I am often floored by the absolute inefficiency of women’s actions, and how they cannot readily see how individual actions can negatively impact the big picture of what they are trying to accomplish. To me, it’s written in 50 foot letters. And the amount of time and effort it takes to make them see this without hurting their feelings grates on me. But I have become very good at slowly and carefully directing people to see things my way (aka the right way) without letting them know they are being guided. Being an INTJ female means you become the consummate “actress.” And while I have worked in managerial roles in the past, I feel most comfortable being the person supporting the leader. “What boss? You have an idea? O.k., now get out of the way and let me figure out how to make it work.” Bosses love me. Even in secretarial roles, I often heard, “So and so is the boss, but we know who REALLY runs the office.” (That would be me.) Can you imagine how my life would be if I openly expressed what I was really thinking? I really envy INTJ men. It is so much more acceptable for you to be yourself, I think. And I am in no way a “masculine” type female. I prefer dresses and make-up and enjoy many activities that women prefer. I just don’t like doing anything that is a waste of time. Wow! Reading back over this, I can tell I have a lot of repressed “annoyance.” Nice to have a forum where I can be honest.
Recently learned I am an INTJ female (INTJ part, always known I’m female). I’ve often wondered why I eventually assume the authority position at any job I accepted. Agree with Barbara (previous post) that so many people seem unbelievably thick, esp. women. So happy I found a mate that appreciates me for who/what I am, sounds like I’ve been lucky there.
Have to comment on sethr1 comment about INTJs being “least bothered of types during a total society collapse.” I’m fairly certain I would be fine and let the “proles” fall where they may. Not very PC but really not my problem. Sorry if anyone takes this as a hatred of human culture because it’s not, I just think that if you’re not prepared for everything you shouldn’t be surprised when you fail, i.e. the ant and the grasshopper.
I agree with you whole-heartedly, fellow INTJ. Just make the best possible opportunity, regardless of politics or apocalypse.
Careers to avoid if you’re an INTJ: Nursing Aide!!
No wonder I I feel miserable in it. Considering a career change. : /
Hi, I feel for you, I’ve recently found out I’m INTJ and been wondering why life as a stay at home mom wasn’t working out for me. I also took on childminding on top of my SAHM duties to earn a few extra pennies…. Needless to say this drove me to the edge of insanity. People often assumed I was the perfect “earth mother” because on the outside I seemed organised and together and surely must be loving this type of life (otherwise why wasn’t I making use of my degree). But I’m going to stop taking these “challenges” to be something I’m not. Meanwhile my husband’s career has gone from strength to strength, helped by the fact he has no worries about organising anything to do with our kids or home.
I wish I’d done the MB test earlier, but will put this new knowledge to good use. You’re not the only one changing careers!
I completly agree that we INTJ’s do not do well in service oriented careers, we find the empathy and emotion and all the social aspects are an annoying waste of time. I however and in an odd sort of spot when it comes to that. I ma female INTJ who LOVES animals, it is my passion and calling, I am a Veterinary Technician. I hate people and every pet comes with an owner, Very rarely will I connect with someone. my point is, as far as the actual nursing of the animals it is a very emotional and service oriented job, You would think that I would hate it but it’s heaven for me, I love nothing more than to tend to, nurture, care for, cuddle and love the animals. I am sensitive, empathetic, and very emotional, I get very attached. So interesting to me. I hate children too, I am so nurturing in one area and so INTJ in all others. strange.
Hi Brittney, Do you put many animals down? I did and it began to wear on me so I had to take a different job. Caring for animals was cool and learning a lot about science was fun, but I found myself day dreaming as we tend to do when we have figured it all out and our mind needs more.
I’m glad you are having a good time being a tech, but it would not hurt you to consider other options that could keep your mind busy and creating fantastic changes in the world.
I am a female INTJ and I am only 13. I find it very difficult to fit in blend or even enjoy most events or activities. It’s difficult for me to be included in many classes because of the people who don’t understand and happen to take up half the time in class when the subject seems easy understood and boring to me. I think a main factor of it is because of the fact I live in america anyways I have a question for all you adult INTJs. Does it get any easier after Jr. high and high school? (to fit in and not be bugged by the difficult people in life ect)
Fitting in is a matter of adaptation. Either you learn to imitate and blend in with the people around you or you will have to decide that standing out and being yourself is worth more to you than their interactions. Both come with a price tag, so it is a matter of what makes YOU happiest, being accepted or being yourself. (My advice? Be yourself. You have to live with you over the long haul. If you get in the habit of attempting to fit into what other people deem important, you never stop and I assure you in the long run it won’t make you really happy, especially if you are an INTJ.)
That’s not necessarily true, adapting doesn’t mean changing WHO you are, but rather knowing WHAT will and wouldn’t work in certain situations.
For example, if asked a question that may offend when answered directly. With INTJ’s you can be direct without the INTJ taking it personal for the most part. With Feeling types they tend to view any sort of criticism as an attack. So when you speak to feeling types simply inform them that you don’t think they can handle what you have to say and you would rather move on to avoid any unnecessary conflict. You aren’t changing who you are, just the way of approach.
I’m an INTJ with many acquaintances, but very picky on who I choose to bring into my micro-sized inner-circle. Not because I have a hard-time fitting in I’m always invited to parties, events, etc. but because I rarely find anyone I feel connected with on a high level and share similar values (Brutal Honesty, Loyalty, etc.). I prefer quality friends that actually live up to the title over diluting the definition of a “friend” by giving a bunch of acquaintances a meaningless title.
Of course being yourself is always the best choice for happiness, I just disagree with part that implies adapting= imitation. That’s a HUGE misconception. A wolf doesn’t have to turn into a sheep to catch one, it just has to study it’s actions and know how and when to react.
Adapting= Knowing how to apply what you’ve learned.
Well, I can feel some empathy towards you because I found myself in the same situation and I still do. When I was in high school I did not blend in any group not even those called “nerds ” or “geeks “. I used to spend time with them but they always thought I was “weird ” how the teenagers refer to those which do not follow their social norms. Therefore, I would spend moat of my time alone or choosing to be alone. I suffer from depressions due to family and relationship situations. And the truth was all of that depression regarding relationships was to fit in. Now that I look back upon those year I think about how if I didn’t care about that I would be.
doing better today. I am 21 years old going to college for biochemistry and neuroscience, and at the end of the road you don’t take those people with you. The real treasure you have ia your curiosity and knowledge. If you don’t enjoy something well, find something else. I enjoy a book better than talking to an attractive guy or than drinking with friends. You are the.person you are don’t try to change because you feel you wont belong . Some of the greatest never did. Study hard, don’t listen to ignorance, challenge yourself with complex subjects and go to university there you will find your calling I can almost assure you. I am an INTJ as well.
I just wanted to ask you what college you go to? I am 13 Years old and those are the exact courses i have wanted to take and would love some information.
Welcome to INTJ, young Paige! I am an adult woman who thrives as an INTJ. I grew up in a small town and never fit in and wondered why it was so difficult to blend in. I felt stifled and isolated. Everyone talked to hear themselves talk. I could never be me and when I was I was seen as bossy. After highschool I went to a major university and received a degree in Electrical Engineering. I have now worked at a major automotive company as an engineer for 20 years working on special projects. My current bosses love me because I think for myself, deliver results, and don’t create any hassle for them. When I was younger I had a much more abrasive and blunt manner but have learned to moderate it when I need to. Every personality type has to learn to control their behavior, not just us, in order for us all to get along. It is not a weakness to tone down the superiority complex once in a while for the greater good. One thing I do socially every once in a while is throw theme parties. I love to plan and decorate (well, my extrovert friend does the most creative stuff), many times over the top. But the parties aren’t for pure social interaction. They are usually scheduled with games and murder mysteries, etc. Anything to fill the space so I don’t have to chit chat. Mostly I stay home and listen to classical music. I am very happily married to an INFP. I keep very few friends, but the ones I keep are very special to me and I am very loyal to them. Strangely, they are all very confident extroverts. They are confident enough in themselves that they let me be me, the real me, the one that says abrasive and crazy things. I am lucky to work in a place with so many employees so there is a greater chance of finding friends that accept me. It does get easier as you get older and more comfortable in your skin. You’ll find your niche in life if you make good decisions and don’t give up in being the best you can be. Good luck!
I too am I 13 year old INTJ i just took the myers briggs test after my step father had told me about the 16 personalities. I find it very difficult to fit in and blend. even when I do I find it difficult for me to stay interested. They tend to talk about boring drama and unimportant information. There is only one class I work well in: science. Whenever we do group labs I am often accepted as the leader for that are aware i am very efficient when dealing with things of this matter. They also don’t care about what school they will go to after that graduate. That is one of the most annoying parts, They are too fed up with drama to focus on their future. This post has opened my eyes and using this I may be able to establish a foreground with other students by appearing to suppress these INTJ traits. I have a few questions though, did you adult INTJs have similar school experiences? does it get easier as you get older?
It really kinda depends Chloe. For the most part we like our Independence but also like making our opinions known. We like to be in a position to make change while not actually having much responsibilities, as we value that freedom. I for one went into politics and government work but we are all so different. I particularity went into government work because it’s both stable and i can enact some change. Mostly that’s it long term job and financial security. But Our nature is that we really love and specialize in a particular field…..but were always open to change and learning new things. Plus we kinda love knowledge and are informed of every other angle. Your still young yet, Chloe but planning never hurt anybody. College will help sort out what you find pinpoint better when you take general education classes. i think you already have a general idea of what you like and your strengths and weaknesses. You like science because A leads to B and at the end of the day we INTJ loves tangible results as we love goals accomplished. One thing you could study and like that is Science and Social relations ( because we do love to analyze people and people watching) is Cognitive Neuroscience. I for one also graduated with a major in Psychology. As for the social stuff that will come in time but i recommend joining clubs in College as your more then likely to find like minded people and friends with people that share your own interest. Also eventually…trust me you’ll be running that club within a year.
The short and long of “does it get any easier” is: yes and no. If you’re thinking of killing yourself because it’s difficult to fit in or people don’t understand you, please don’t. My 13 year old niece did that last year – all I can figure is she didn’t comprehend the permanence of her decision.
Our personality is often under-appreciated and wrongfully labeled or interpreted by others (even and in some cases, more so in “spiritual” circumstances.)
I would suggest finding something near and dear to your heart and pouring your energies into that. I used to volunteer from a very young age and found this immensely satisfying. As far as you only being interested in science; I can’t relate. I thrived on the sciences, but nearly EVERY subject fascinated and thrilled me! (My interests are still diverse, but I’ve weeded out those I have no interest in/patience for.)
I also strongly urge you to stay in school. Analyze your true interests frequently and pursue something worthwhile.
Something I haven’t seen mentioned here are spiritual beliefs. Being raised a Catholic, then turning Protestant, Evangelical, etc. I was always exposed to, if not immersed in various denominations of Christianity. Ultimately, I’d wax and wane in my beliefs, to finally turn my studies to that in my mid-thirties. For me that has became the most profound aspect of my studies. (I’ve studied relationships, communication and love since about your age.)
It wasn’t until later I discovered I was INTJ – which has been tremendously helpful. (My whole life I’ve been labeled everything everyone else on here has listed and more!) I have a better understanding of who I am, what my primary weakness is (verbal communication), and although I’ve become more patient/tolerant to a point; I still have work to do in overcoming some of the challenges our personality presents.
My suggestions to you would be: identify what’s important to you, establish good values, learn as much as possible, be kind but don’t sacrifice what’s important to you to “fit in”. Make sure you have sound and wise counsel.
Funny I work as a Medical Assistant and I really love my job.. and it says here that its something that I should avoid…
I take it they could mean just that although you enjoy it … you’d rather be running it. In fact, I could guess you are the one “actually” in charge of the office and are the bosses go-to-person or right hand there. I think it’s more are need to constantly improve things and being in the middle management portion of things (with unyielding rules and inefficiency) would drive us nuts. Yet, again something tells me you have the freedom to fix it where ever your at.
LMAO just took the test and wow so dead on. I used to always tell others I don’t mind being number two and being the “shadow power”. this is why I always liked VP roles as, although the President gets all the glory…. he also gets all the blame (and usually his head chopped off). Also I’m to damn rational about everything. Love, work, play. everything must be efficient and maximized. My plans are always organized but flexible because emergencies happen and you always should have contingencies. The quotes “Better safe then sorry” or, “this is crap is pointless” are my watchwords. We all also do have a very blunt and very sarcastic wit about us. For the most part I would say I have very thick skin but also hate all the touchy-feely PDA that people do in public. LMAO that further info says were the most rare and are “masterminds” and “strategists”. Must be why I like Strategy games so much too. Also just for my inquiring mind…..How may of you guys and gals are also Gemini’s. I have an odd theory if not were one of 3 other horoscopes.
Do you honestly believe that the position of planets and stars at the date and time you were born has any influence on your personality, or any human affairs at all, here on earth? I see absolutely no correlation between horoscopes (which is a complete waste of time) and MBTI types (which is actually based on observation and research), or any other aspect of ones personality for that matter. Horoscopes and astrology has absolutely no intellectual credibility and are always written in a manner which can appeal to everyone, regardless of their actual sign. Hopefully that debunked your theory.
On a different note, I do agree with most of the other reflections you made. INTJs are similar in that way 😛
Funny… I ditched work today (asked off) for a mental break because leadership are acting like idiots and poking their nose in my special side projects! Lmao… It’s true to me that although I have brought great PR to the institution I work for, I could care less. All I value is autonomy and the ability to create and promote programs that are beneficial and have purpose.
And yes…as a female, people find me abrasive because I have no time for handholding and bonding. Thus would be much more acceptable if I were male. My daughter has similar traits, although extroverted, so I suggested she befriend trustworthy males (under supervision 😉 ). I am truly INTJ and (for you above) Gemini.
It is quite astounding to notice that my fellow INTJs use the same words or expressions. It is just like reading my own mind. Amazing
Funny, I’ve noticed it too. It is not exactly the words, but the style in general. On the whole, messages are surprisingly ‘readable’ unlike those in most blogs, where I usually can make neither head or tail.
To assist Kelvin in his “research”, I’m a Female Taurus who made it by two minutes – otherwise would’ve been an Aries. 😉 (I used to often conduct unofficial “surveys” to support or disapprove “theories” I’d come up with.)
Another INTJ here as well.
These comments are hilarious, and reading the characteristics of INTJ are so on the nose. I never before had the need to find out why I had these tendencies and how they affected my life, because as a kid, I was very independent, loved to read and was very content enjoying my own company. And I wasn’t expected to be outgoing. School was a breeze for me all the way through until some parts of college (group projects and such). And my adult life was contentedly solitary until I got married – to an emotional,extrovert. Being around others that required constant stimulation from another is so inconceivable to me and makes me tired thinking about it. I have been told that I come across as “stuck up”, a trial lawyer once told me he found me intimidating (I’m 5ft.2.). I thought he was nuts! My sister has told me that I do despise being told what to do. My friends are mostly male – I can’t stand the incessant, stupid chatter of most females. Small talk is a waste of time! Now I just need to translate these strengths into a job I will enjoy.
Nadine, you crack me up. I’m a INTJ female too. I’m a shorty too and have been told I’m unapproachable. LOL
OMG I feel SO happy and relieved after reading all the posts before me. (not typical for an INTJ to express feeling in such way, huh?) I literally googled out this forum, because I was trapped in another uncomfortable relationship with a girl (I’m female and I’m straight). This new friend I made find that I’m a freak because I didn’t like her and responded without enthusiasm to many of her “warm-hearted concerns”. She said I put up my defense and it hurt her tremendously, because when other people saw me being cool they would see her as a problem. She literally blames me for her failure of social life. We talked several times, and she simply could not understand. She said she had never met someone like me and my character will make me suffer from work. I don’t mind sharing some other ridiculous remarks here, like “You are too logical and rational to be a girl!” “Jennifer is not a normal girl, because she’s not interested in fashion(though I do have my style)”. Some even wanted me to consider whether I’m gay, saying “probably you don’t realize the fact yourself”… I was speechless.
I’m a graduate student in the US, and I came from another country. I have heard of such negative feedback in my college too. The problem is, sometimes I cannot get rid of those people, because grad students are a small circle and we are in the same project group! The situation gets more complicated when she rumored about me to a third person, saying that I was treating her as a “threat”, and that I’m a terrible person! It’s so absurd, and the other people who were used to be fine with me started to think maybe I was a “terrible” person. It’s totally annoying and upsetting. I feel that I have been explaining myself to so many people as if I have to. I even started to doubt about myself, whether I was not tolerant enough or this secret sense of superiority is really not “morally correct or politically correct” or not patient enough, or I may need counselling and I am no longer certain who I am.
And Maybe this also has to do with me being a foreign student. I was totally confident about my personality in college. Thought there were uncomfortable moments, I could deal with it, and sometimes just joke about it. However, lots of pressure build on me now, and I become lonely once or a while. INJTs need friends too.
I don’t want any form of compromise anymore. I don’t want to hate the crowd, but I feel those stupid people have made suffer and when I finally come back to myself and realize that I have lots of more meaningful things left undone, I feel so guilty. I am in a business school right now, and will graduate soon. I feel that I may encounter similar situations in a business environment later. I will have to start from scratch of course, so I can’t really utilize any “strategic thinking” abilities at that point and for a long time. I wonder if anyone would give me some suggestions on how to survive better.
My husband took this test and I followed along just to see what the results might be…turns out that we are both INTJs! I’m not sure what to think about it, but apparently we are in a “rare” category, me especially, as a female. This test was very useful to me as it validated so many thoughts and feelings that I’ve had most of my life, even as a child. I’ve always been a little different than others and rested strongly on my convictions and beliefs. Now I know why, and that knowledge explains a lot and actually makes me feel better!
I am also an INTJ and I do approach relationships in a “scientific”. I almost came to the conclusion that I should look for a female INTJ. How is it for an INTJ to live with a companion who share the same personality type?
As a 20 year old female INTJ, it’s true that oftentimes people see me as aloof and distant. I admit that I don’t like socializing much because I have observed that most people around me can’t enjoy or appreciate intellectual discussions and they are more inclined to emotion-ladden talks. I often see most people in my place as shallow and freaking traditionalists (blame religious zealotry and cheap media in the Philippines) in which makes me hard to fit in the environment I am now. Most people label me as a lone wolf in most social and work situations (I have only few friends whose MBTI are: ENTJ, ISTJ and ISTP) and I oftentimes excel in individual projects (good that I am an engineering major). Anyway, it’s refreshing to know that my fellow INTJs are here though I haven’t met one IRL.
So nice to hear from so many other INTJ women. As a child, I knew that I was different in a way. I just thought I thought like an adult (which was true for the most part). I saw all of the drama unfold around me but did not feel particularly affected by it. I made logical decisions as to which friendships were worth continuing and which ones ought to be let go. Now I’m in my twenties and about to embark on a career I love. This past year of university there have been innumerable group projects (I have 5 group projects due next week, each group containing 3-9 members). I have found that I must let group members do a little babbling around a topic before they’ll accept what I have to say when I sum up their point in 10 words or less. It takes so much TIME for everyone else to catch up. It’s worth doling out the social niceties though, as it means smoothing out your future roads to success.
Was working in very bad enviroment for me with a boss that didn’t gave me any autonomy and expected me to follow his lead just because of his title. It all ended with a conflict. The regional leaders of the company (with 500 employees under them) took his side, all because of his title. But they made the mistake of trying to get rid of me by going after my intellect. I have avoided conflicts all my life, but when they went after my intellect I had no choose but to fight back. So it ended whit the headquarter (one of Swedens biggest bank) paying me lots of money to quit (the union said they had never made such a good deal for anyone before). And the best part is, although they all have there jobs still, they will all have big problems getting to higher positions in the Company (since I’ve proved them all to be dumb).
If im not mistaken. Intjs see the big picture. Under your weaknesses you have it listed. Is this correct?
It both a strength and a weakness. We sometimes get lost in the details of trying to get everything right because of the big picture. Sometimes we have to go with the flow and realize we can’t plan everything. IE we are control freaks.
I also think that we see a big picture. I hate those who do only see trees and not the forest. I always try to see what the big picture is, then everything else is so easy to understand.
Yes, I think INTJs see big pictures. In whatever we do, we want the birds eye view first and then go into the detail.
I took this test back in high school and didn’t give it much attention since we were pretty much forced to take it. Remember I was an INTJ then; don’t know why those four letters stayed in my memory. I took it again a day ago not realizing what it was until I seen those same four letters from high school pop up in the results. This time I decided to dig deeper, now on a mission to read all I can find. This blog is the most detailed and informative thus far.
I have to agree with 94% of the stuff listed under INTJ’s. The other 6% I disagree with is mostly due to the uniqueness of individual preferences and experiences that can alter certain traits. Think it goes without saying that just because we’re INTJ’s we aren’t going to be exact replicas. All people are unique to some degree.
For example I prefer Introversion but can be rather extroverted and charming when I feel like it, especially when I’m motivated to set aside introversion to accomplish a goal that I deem important (my job, group projects, special gal, etc.). But I much rather prefer silence over senseless filler conversation if you have nothing worth saying.
This is a bit random, but does anyone here get annoyed by “Reality” shows? With the baboons on it yelling and gossiping about things not even worth the recognition, just wondering.
On another note, I seen someone bring up horoscopes; which crossed my mind as well. As I’m a Leo and horoscopes usually label us as head-honchos and the backbone of society; then I seen a couple Gemini’s challenging that theory.
So I analyzed what exactly does a Leo Male and Female Gemini’s have in common, and turns out that we are highly compatible signs. And the other signs that compliment the Leo are all signs known for loyalty, harsh honesty, high-level confidence, etc. Traits also associated with the INTJ.
I noticed a skeptic of horoscopes, which is understandable. I was a hardcore skeptic at first. As there are astrologist that abuse the use of generalities; mostly your mainstream websites. But I found a site about 5 years ago that used specifics (exact day and time you were born) to determine a detailed view of the TYPE of Zodiac you are. Ex.There are Leo’s that love the spotlight (extroverts) and others that do to a lesser degree –behind the scenes (introverts).
What I’ve found is that the horoscope review I received then goes hand in hand with this INTJ review.
Me (Leo) and two other family members (both Libras) read our horoscopes and they were super accurate down to the type of demeanor to more personal preferences. NO generalizations that could fit just anyone. I even checked to make sure my results were slightly unique to the other type of Leo’s born on different days and times.
To add, both Libras in my family have very similar ways of thinking (with the heart over pure logic) while I’ve always been sort of the outcast in the sense that I function differently from the both of them, but yet I’m the one they look to when disaster strikes.
They always take sides with each other and team up against me even when I’m clearly right. I even take the time to explain my logic which always seems to be a waste of my time. As they are fixated on proving me wrong with zero rationale, in the end the opposite is true. Because when I speak up it’s something I’m 100% certain is correct, not 99.999%, 100%. Making me look like a know it all. When really I just know which battles to fight.
I’m not trying to change the belief of the doubters in the alignment of stars and planets; that would be nearly impossible as a fellow INTJ anyway. But maybe you can try to find a more low key horoscope site that actually puts effort into it –not those mainstream ‘one size fits all’ sites– that can challenge your belief. I’ve become less and less skeptical of the possibility.
It would be interesting if everyone posted their zodiac signs to see if there’s a majority sign INTJ’s gravitate toward for women and men.
LMAO well it actual makes sense to INTJ to consider and understand every possible options. Thus Horoscopes….even though we are skeptics if its not factual….have to be considered if there is too much coincidence data. I mean heck if it sounds like a frog and acts like a frog…then maybe there are suggestions it may be a frog. I mean we can’t discount data no matter how crazy. TBH i find thought the INTJ label fits me better then the horoscope one.
I can indeed be extremely extroverted if i want to and most people would say I am charming and the nicest person ever. Many think i a their best friend or want to be my close friend but TBH i just consider then friends. When you in my friendship “spotlight” you can feel special…but i treat all friends that sort of way…but once done….i move on. Too much emotional investment and i cultivate these friendships for..and it sounds bad.. as what i see for networking and um favors benefits for the future. It’s long term investment and planning to me.lol.
This then leads me to answer your reality show question. I do kind of like them in the way of people watching but I personal either think it’s highly faked or staged (undercover boss now) or that the people and situations on there are so improbable or people so stupid, that i cannot believe they breed. I mean try watching Man vs. Wild, although interesting I personally think it’s laughable and he going to get somebody killed. I have not ever seen 1 episode of the Jersey shore or Kardashians. I refuse to. Amazing race though..love that, survivor when it was first on, yes. anything in Alaska, actually yes.
That being said, autonomy with an end goal. Logic and efficiency above all else. Long-term planning but bluntness and an ability to get lost in details or annoyance with incompetence. Also stay out of the yahoo comments section, too many people ranting without factual data to back things up will always drive us nuts. Just learn to walk away and pick your battles. Even though you can blow them away with facts…it’s not fair and you’ll get nowhere arguing with an idiot.
Wow it’s amazing that there are actually people out there who think like me. Forever I thought I was an alien on this planet earth. LOL
I too view relationships as long-term investments, haven’t touched an episode of Jersey Shore or Kardashians out of stubbornness, found Survivor a bit interesting when it was one of the first reality shows.
I watch Undercover Boss –and yes can admit it’s a bit cheesy. But I’m a fanatic of all things business (and originality) is why I watch. And like to see the sheer joy of some of employees at the end. Speaking of Business T.V. Shows… Shark Tank, that’s my favorite!
Guess I should’ve been more specific when I said “Reality” Shows I meant the ‘He said, She said’ kind; the Honey Boo-Boos, Kardashians, Jersey Shores, I Love Flavor Flaves of Reality T.V..
Also know what you mean by that Yahoo comment section, I’ve learned that the hard way. But cut back significantly on bothering to even read the comment section over the past 4 or so years. Know how tempting it is to read something so stupid you feel almost responsible to educate them. But boy… isn’t that usually a waste of time. LOL
I disagree with horoscopes I am an INTJ and my zodiac sign is Sagittarius and about 15% of what it had too say somewhat resembles me . It says that I’m illogical and have lots of friends I know this isn’t the case and I think you’re lucky with your zodiac sign and I think that’s it’s just a coincidence in your case.
I have been studying to be a high school teacher and I hate it! Thankfully I read this and applied for my Master’s so I can teach at university level AND do research. Cannot wait for this nightmare to be over and do something enjoyable!
Yes good for you. H.S. teaching will eventually drive you nuts with the inefficiency of the principals and teaching curriculum. At least in College you have some autonomy in how you structure your own course. Plus you do have the autonomy to both write and research subjects in your field. Also the pay and stress levels are way better.
INTJ? This Facebook group is for you: INTJ Personality Type Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/253383284818620/
You want a cluster fuck try this…I’m a black male intj living in racist ass white america. Any doubts I HIGHLY recommend reading “birth of a white nation, by jacqueline battalora” Try explaining to the bank “yes, I really do have an 815 credit score.” Or to every racist cop “I didn’t rob that house…I actually own it.” Life on Earth feels like HELL to me, I have no one to relate to, you guys think being an INTJ is lonely, try being a black INTJ. I’m a systems thinker and this bullshit system is totally designed to marginalize and dehumanize a whole race. I study the bible for a glimpse of what heaven is like cuz this world is Shit. Wish I was born 700 years from now, by then the world will catch up to us. The design is flawed, the execution of it is Shit. Americans are the absolute worst. Humble ignorance is tolerable, ignorant arrogance is horrific. Try being black and debating quantum mechanics with white college professors and see where that gets you. I’m in a constant internal debate with myself as to if my life is a gift or a curse. Family doesn’t like me (jealous). Women love me, problem is I find most intolerable after 2 conversations. Why can’t people’s spirit be as beautiful as their exterior? Motivated as hell, I’ve designed an absolute plan to rule the world and a beautiful way to execute it…stay tuned. Hate facebook, twitter all that crap…why give away thoughts?? As precious and wonderful as an Idea is!! Really enjoy reading this blog…anybody else wish there was an entire city comprised only of INTJ’s you are the only people worth responding to. Also pay attention to Vladimir Putin of Russia, U.S. government underestimates him (as usual) he’s an INTJ. Sure hope Elon Musk (also INTJ) gets us to MARS. If he does I’m on the first rocket smokin’…Sorry for the rant just that this blog is a place where I think people will get me.
I don’t like Twitter or Facebook either; for personal use. Do people really think others care about that nasty looking homemade cuisine you made or what you’re doing with your kid, dog, cat, etc.? It’s also a breeding ground for people who have zero courage to be tough and say things they would be silent about in real world situations. Drama.
It’s only beneficial to organizations, event planners, etc. to have active accounts on those platforms. The negatives far outweigh the benefits for the average user. Especially those who narrate their whole life and have nothing worth broadcasting. Maybe if you’re a celebrity that’s O.K.. But even that’s a stretch, because I personally don’t care what they’re doing; even those I find remotely fascinating.
As for your racial topic it mostly matters which part of America you live in. The south seems to be stuck in some sort of broken timezone every time I go down there to visit family it feels like I’m not even on the same planet anymore. They’re always 10-20 years behind on everything from fashion to electronics. And segregated as hell.
New York, L.A., and other diverse cities, racism seems almost non-existent. Of course you get your glimpse into reality every now and then that proves it still exist; mostly in those 40+ years old. But it’s not uncommon to see interracial platonic and romantic relationships while not having people make a big deal over it.
There is and always will be racism not in just “White America” but all races. As long as ignorant people reproduce racism will exist. Maybe to a lesser degree the farther we get away from the civil rights era. But it’ll still be there because it’s in dull brains’ nature to make enemies of things they don’t understand.
This isn’t a problem limited to America but the whole world (maybe even the universe). I can’t tell if we’re digressing or progressing at times. Maybe we’re just floating in the middle.
Anyway, I’ve never had an actual romantic relationship since 6th grade (In my early 20’s now). You know, the stage before girls become hormonal train-wrecks. I’m no Hunchback of Notre Dame I get smiles here and there, and get the ‘he must be gay’ line when girls get their little egos hurt, when really I’m just not interested. I’m picky with women I realize no ones is perfect but I know what I want isn’t impossible.
I don’t believe in the motto “something is better than nothing”. And do what I can to get the best. The women I find sexually attractive are simplistic and/or annoying. Women who I find mentally stimulating and enjoy their company I don’t find sexually attractive but can’t keep a friendly relationship with them because they want to ruin and make it awkward by trying to force a romance when I see them closer to a sister if anything.
Lastly, America is on the brink of another stupid war either with North Korea or Russia or maybe both even though defenses have been weaken by the stupid Iraq war we had absolutely no reason to be in. It didn’t take Barack long to kill Bin Laden but Bush spent his whole two terms distracted trying to revive his father’s fight on oil. America needs to stop trying to be the U.N. and mind it’s own damn business. Seriously.
Troy it honestly depends where you live and screw those people who downplay you. Because in the end, your actions, jobs, life ultimately shows your accomplishments. Also mates….that is another story. We are too picky to the point of maybe never ….”settling”. We don’t settle on mates. Our mates must be intelligent but also simulate and excite us. Personally for me, I also want someone in great health as “what is the point if they die early on me”. That being said i have a lot of beautiful girl friends….because I’m not actually trying to sleep with them. I’m just not attracted to them in any way. To date just to date, is kind of pointless and when we date its for an end goal.
INTJ. Female. Black. Enough said…
I have to bring this up: I am an INTJ female who has also been diagnosed with Asperger’s. I am working on a hypothesis: 1. Asperger’s is neither Autism nor a developmental disorder, but a hostile interpretation of the INTJ personality by hyper judgmental and control freak types that gravitate toward careers in psychology. LOL And 2. Whether one is a “happy” or “distressed” INTJ depends on how the people who were your caretakers in early childhood reacted to a rare personality and the inevitable nonconforming behavior. My life as a female INTJ has been highly stressful, and I would say that most of the rejection/clashes with “normal” people has been due to being intelligent, rather than being anti-social. That is, those labeled Asperger’s may simply be INTJ’s, who due to bad experiences, have shifted to the extreme of INTJ solitary behavior.
Umm a disclaimer first…. i am a Psych major. That being said, i think our issue with normal people is that we have a hard time letting go that people may not be at our “level”. We have a hard time understand how slower people operate and can come off as both braggarts or know-it -all. It takes us time to learn how to slow it down and break things off into smaller bits. Some people aren’t able to see long-term contingencies like us. They just can’t. We need to realize everyone is a savant in their own way and with us we need to realize we can use the jigsaw of specializations to our own advantage. If that being “nice” and holding back our blunt opinions and assessments..so be it. We can do that to an extent and we need to pick our battles. We can be extremely self-destructive socially if we let ourselves be perceived as “better” or don’t hold our tongues at time. We have to learn to relax and sometimes go with the flow and let others fall flat. If not we can go all ” i should be running the world or the world is full of idiots so i should be in charge” type view. If we let our ego take a hold of us we become so focused on our “rightness” that we begin to lose our sight of openness and factual data that differing opinions may bring up. We lose our most important trait, our logic, and get caught up in proving ourselves right instead of the facts. That being said, i do believe your interpretation of Aspergers. I don’t understand how intense focus and finding efficiencies can be a disorder.That’s just me but it’s just the normal world’s rationalizing and classifying people who are brilliant in one area but deficient in the social one.
I’m INTJ and while I like it in terms of my creativity and my strong sense of purpose and improvement… as a 31 year old female it is very difficult. I often find myself feeling pathetic like I will never make true friends in the city I live in now because I have such a hard time forming meaningful relationships. And even though I could “date” and make relationships there outside of regular friends, that seems so tedious and conflicts so much with my goals of entrepreneurship right now that I just keep putting it off then feeling alone and pathetic all over again when I am sitting alone at home on the weekends…
Due to financial instability, and employment instability my life is in shambles. Most people don’t understand me and that causes more stress. I have taken care of my entire family since age 6 due to one parent being ill due to epilepsy and the other sufferers from alcoholism. As a result of my heavy responsibilities, I’ve never had the chance to prosper in the way I would have if the circumstances were different.HHowever, my circumstances does not stop my mind nor my personal opinion about myself regardless of how others view me. I am searching for some stress management, if you have any suggestions ?
While I cannot relate to your experience, I have always found reading to be the best stress reliever. I particularly enjoy reading about neuroscience because it can explain a lot about the way people act. I also find may Neurological diseases very intriguing as well as the question of consciousness. The book incognito by David eagleman might be a nice place to start. Overall reading alone is my #1 stress reliever and maybe other INTJ’s enjoy it too.
Well first and foremost you have to keep your mind busy and you have to peruse knowledge is one of the best ways. If not you need a hobby or something that you can do by yourself that can make you happy or take your mind off of things. I for one play alot of strategy type video games as a “stress reliever”. It is true the heavy responsibility on you from your family may have “restrained you a bit, but don’t think for a minute that your been stunted in any ways. Your just yearning to break free atm and due what you want to do. Be careful though as we can get quite depressed if life is not going the way we want. If were not where we want to be job wise or even Financially. We are light at the end of the tunnel kind of people and you have to understand that where you are at now is not where your going to end up in the future. Understand this is just a bump and momentary set back. Be aware it’s when were at these levels , that in panic or crises type of mode we can turn into the most driven people out of pure survival instinct. It may not seem like it now but it can only go up from here right? I can also tell your still young yet as you still kind of care what others think of you. Be aware as tough as an exterior we put on, we can be extremely self-conscious about ourselves in regard to how others see us. But…the older we get the more we realize the only opinion that should matter is our own.
As to your suggestions about stress management…try watching tv show or movies with humor. Intelligent humor. It can be crude but it has to be witty. I for instance love shows like Burn Notice and Dexter. Very dark but funny in witty type of way. Game of thrones is also good. Guardians of the Galaxy was a smart movie. Comedy if anything will be an escape. That more of a short term jolt though. What you could do is just join a club on campus of something that really interest you. This is a bit easier in college though as High school it may be hard considering your workload. Also just odd things like baking or cooking can be a good stress reliever. I for one am a foodie and try to go to different like hot dog joints throughout the city at least once. Online gaming community is another…just don’t get lost in it…that can happen. College clubs though that is your ticket to meeting more people and more importantly new friends. People that will have some interesting shared traits and will eventually drive you to be better as you will kinda feel like competing. Hang out with “eagles” and then you’ll begin to act like one…but hand out with Turkeys…. you’ll begin to adapt and become like one.
Not sure if you can change your situation at present but look at what you want to do long term.. Who you want to be. College can be that future or at least an outlet for you to have hope for a better future. Considering your Financial situation … the government will help you with paying for school in that regard. But if you have any questions about loans and such i can help as i use to be the Illinois Student Financial aid commissioner a long time ago. I can at least walk you thru filing FASHA and grant applications.
I am definitely a “bookworm” 🙂
Female INTJ here. I did not realize we were so rare. Any other women have a hard time finding women friends? I have one true female friend who I’ve had for the last 11 years. Other girls tend to annoy me beyond belief. I normally can only handle the relationship for a few years before their personalities drive me insane! I feel like I have to fake interest and enthusiasm in order to be accepted. Surely, I am not the only one? Have you ever been to a social gathering and you end up with all the women? You just sit there and listen to the conversations, but cannot say what you want because you know you will offend? It drives me nuts!! It feels so fake like you can never be your true self.
Yes Stephanie, I too have had a difficult time finding female friends. I have never met another female INTJ but my best friend is an ENTJ. My sister is an ESFP and enjoys seeing how long she can annoy me before I have to exit the room and lock myself in another. My School seems to be filled with ENFPs who all ask me for advice very often. Unfortunately they ask me for help with their emotional problems too often, my usual response is: “be logical about it, if you need to make a chart listing the pros and cons of your options, then come to me if you still haven’t made your decision. the conversations i have with these people tend to be 95% content free and are just the same 36 letters strung together in a meaningless pattern. I pretend to be enjoying myself until the end of the The only time I have some interesting conversation is when I get home and FaceTime my ENTJ friend (she lives in a different state). This friend is my vent, where I can be myself and she can be herself. Although she is an extravert she still needs someone who she can vent to without having what she says being spread. I recommend you talk and vent to the friend you have been close with for eleven years. I have found it to be a good way to de-stress, especially after after a party so you can tell her your witty comments. Maybe she will even get a kick out of it.
Yes, Stephanie, I do have a hard time finding female friends. And even a harder time loosing them. My two ex-best friends are outspoken extraverts, one more pragmatic, other – more artistic. And both VERY intelleent and charismatic. The first had been with me for 16 years, before finally leaving me in a fit of jealosy. I received a research grant. The second one han been with me for four years before… finally leaving me in a fit of jealousy. I received another research grant. It strikes me now how similar these situations were, and how much in common my ex-best frinds actually are. As for me I am ambitious and hard working, no way deniying it, it is only logical that from time to time I actually achieve something. I never envy enyone as I never compare myself to anyone. For me job well done is the best price itself. And I am always unprepared for such things as jealous scenes… especially from people I sincerely love and trust. Close friendhips for me a hyper-important, as it is a hard job actually finding intersting people among good-for-nothing gossipers, housewifes and shoppers.
It’s nice to see there are other female INTJ types on here! I have great female friends, but I can relate to your frustration. You learn give and take meaning you will listen at times when they’re seemingly saying nothing lol.
This explains a lot. I cannot believe that a person’s personality can be sum up like this, – and with spot-on accuracy. This will definitely make me more self-aware instead of simply regarding myself as odd or weird. It is great to know that even with our rare type, there are others across the world that are born to do great things.
Fascinating! I’m in my mid-40’s and have always identified with this personality type… I can fake being extroverted in certain situations (such as an actress might), but I can only handle it for a short time… I prefer peace and quiet, although I have 5 kids… (that’s another story). I’ve been called “too German” and I was raised by German immigrants in a German household. I’m not super social, and never trivial, I’m opinionated and think I know better than others how things should be done… I don’t let my walls down quickly when making new friends… I listen more than I speak. I have a degree in Applied Math and Statistics and I sing. I’m also a SAHM, which is for the benefit of our family and have my own health and wellness business from home. The hardest part is leading a team… I’ve never been a team player and helping motivate and inspire others doesn’t come naturally to me. But I’m learning… My favorite people to chat with are from Europe… or other strong cultures. I’m very straightforward and love deep, meaningful conversations which are often not possible with friends raised here for generations… Thanks for this!
I am a female INTJ, attorney. Always thought that being born a male would have made things easier. To add salt to the wound, on top of being unapologetically “balls to the wall,” I am tall and very attractive (not to mention extremely humble haha). Females absolutely hate me and men are too afraid of me. Career wise, I naively thought that I would fit in law school and would find likeminded and sharp ppl. Instead, I found myself among a sea of insecure overachievers that want to justify their self worth through education. I luckily love the law so it was somewhat bearable. When I was younger, I made a decision to try to ground myself to fit in. I stopped dressing up/wearing makeup, heels ect so that other females would be less threatened by me. I tried approaching and flirting with guys to build their confidences. All of it did work, but backfired bc I was still extremely bored, lonely and drained of energy . From all this I learned a valuable lesson–moderation and flexibility. We INTJs don’t have it but need to learn it. It is painful and long process, but has to be a slow one. I still find myself wanting solitude when I am around non INTJs. But now I can appreciate how different they are and I feel intuitively they appreciate my effort. Everything does get better as you get older, but you need to put some effort into molding yourself. I still dress as I like, say what I want but I learned to know my audience. You can’t just fully unleash your INTJ self bc someone will get hurt lol !!! Think of it as your biggest challenge. It is rewarding!
Your right those sometimes our best friends are the ones that are so unique and completely opposite to us as we are so interesting in a lifestyle so different and new to our own. It’s our thirst for knowledge that get us quite an odd collection of friends. I can see how you hate others in your profession as you are well versed it pretty much everything about it and you can’t help but chuckle but be hugely annoyed by their self-serving and usually wrong way of doing things. Why because you always know a better more efficient way. Ego …yeah we have that and why the heck not …most times we know were right because usually our opinions are grounded and backed up in fact. Your totally right of how age and experience trains and tempers us especially around others. For us it’s always getting comfortable about who we are that is the biggest hurdle. i though love the law because it’s so fluid and all the little loopholes one can argue for and against. I say were the type that can argue either side and point of view. Happy that you at least love your field.
Yeah, after countless attempts of assuming a leadership role, society seems to pick competent workers as leaders, instead of a competent leader. I always would think what the f*** about that, and have chosen a wounded warrior personality, like that other person who said so. I’m a 13 year old INTJ, but act as though I’m a 65 year old INTP ex. army officer turned alcoholic scientist, which seems to also annoy people. Buuuut, as I say, “I don’t give a f*** !” just like every other INTJ, maybe. A loophole for having to deal with “INTJ insensitivity” which seems to make everyone target you, just find a ENF friend you can have be your figurehead and talk to people for you, or translate INTJ to everyone else. It usually works. Hurray, another problem solved.
Thanks to the INTJ tribe for a highly entertaining read!
I believe that our particular skills can help us mature into people who have a tremendously positive (although often unacknowledged) impact in society. Our challenge is to continually learn and grow from the challenges that society throws at us and then find a way to use that hard won wisdom positively, rather than retreating back into our own little worlds when the going get tough for us. After all, we are the smart, tenacious ones!
I am proud to be part of the INTJ tribe.
I recently learned that I am an INTJ female. I have experienced the same trial and errors but in my older age, have learned to accomodate. In the past, I was viewed as an oddball, and did not understand why. What I want to know is, do INTJs command respect? I seem to meet individuals in high professions, that seemed to be intimidated by me, or trouble makers who watch what they say and do in my presence. Also, drug addicts or people with mental disabilities avoid me with the quickness. One more issue, do people avoid eye contact with INTJs? I have this to happen a lot. Thanks, Dianne Harper
I did not discover I was an INTJ female until I was over fifty. I also learned to accommodate, or “play nice” as I refer to it. I have noticed that, now that I am older, I am normally granted respect immediately by people of all ages and positions, I nearly always make younger or less secure people feel intimidated by just breathing, and I feel no intimidation whatsoever by anyone else, no matter what their position is. People quickly realize I am not the person to waste their time sharing workplace gossip with, whine or complain to, or to walk slowly in front of. At the same time, I am always friendly, helpful, smiling, patient, etc. with others (a learned trait.) The automatic deference still happens.
That’s spot on! I wouldn’t say I command respect, but definitely receive it as if others don’t have a choice in the matter. What they do and say behind my back however… I’m more skeptical of.
Managers, Execs, etc. are intimidated usually when I’m viewed more of an authority figure than they are (countless times I’ve been mistaken for the guy-in-charge) or find out they think I’m a threat to their status even though I have no desire for their title; namely the incompetent ones feel this way. The self-assured tend to welcome me with open arms and look to me as somewhat of an unofficial advisor.
Trouble Makers seem to be 50/50 some admire (or act like they do) and some hate me but all seem to have an unwritten rule of respect.
Drug Addicts and the Mentally Unstable/Disabled seem to sober up, become sane, and able to sense the aurora of an INTJ and stay out of the way.
As much as this may sound like a Noah’s Ark ‘Cinderella-Snow White-Sleeping Beauty’ Disney movie, I would even go as far to say animals—Yes, animals! —seem to treat me like the chosen one and respect my Gangsta. LOL
As far as eye contact with INTJs, that also holds merit in my case. Depending on the setting, I sometimes try to avoid it myself in an attempt to make others “feel” at ease.
The only time I don’t have a problem receiving mutual eye-contact is in a romantic interest or business meetings, interviews, etc. where everyone makes an unnatural effort to maintain eye-contact because they read it in the dos & don’ts section of “The Secret to Successful Business Encounters 101” but I can tell it makes a fair amount uncomfortable even with their brains actively telling their eyes to maintain eye contact.
In a casual setting or if I need to create a relaxing environment in a non-relaxed situation, I usually position myself at an angle that’s somewhat engaged but a little disengaged (about a 30-40 degree angle) to allow the person I’m conversing with to make eye contact without the… pressure, shall I say, of my “glare” weighing them down. The moment I look at them people almost always avert quickly even if I can tell they were staring me down the entire time from the corner of my eye.
A few years ago I adopted dark tinted (gradient) sunglasses into my wardrobe; it was an eye opener, no pun intended. I would turn my head away from those I suspected were glancing (toward something with minimal appeal: Cellphone, TV, loud Mom yelling at her kids, open space with constant movement, etc.) but have my eyes fixated on the culprit so they wouldn’t even know I were watching them watch me. I would just observe how long some would look/stare at me, their body language, facial expressions, etc. I learned a great deal about silent cues this way.
On a side note, guys out there who aren’t sure whether an attractive lady from across the way happens to be checking you out this easy move can definitely help since women are much more likely to show subtle signs of interest than obvious.
It’s not an exact science, but within reasonable conditions (activities that don’t obstruct body positioning like pumping gas, sitting, etc.), when you aren’t facing them check to see if their shoulders, toes, and face are aligned in your direction for more than 5 seconds … if so, game on. Bonus if you get some sort of fondling of the hair while they gaze at you. Don’t take a change in position or body language when/if you decide to engage as a sign of disinterest, around 87% of the time you’ll find out they’re just shy or aren’t comfortable displaying interest.
I wasn’t aware (nor did I care) how much people found my presence to be entertaining until I started using this trick and paying close attention to how I’m perceived by those around me and receiving confirmation of my analysis.
To address your Oddball comment, in my childhood I was a “cool” Oddball I guess you can say, people knew I was weird but they often wanted to emulate my unique ways. I guess if you own it with confidence people will find it alluring.
Meanwhile I had a friend who was quite odd as well (Think he may have also been an INTJ) but was more self-conscious about it and would get teased and asked by others why I hung out with him. 2 years later he changed tracks (a type of system in some grade schools that determines when your class takes a vacation and return to school throughout the year) and started embracing his weirdness; the “cool” kids now wanted to be around him too.
As I’ve entered my early 20’s I’ve become more outwardly reserved though I still have my Oddball ways I don’t feel the need to put it on display for all to see. Thus most people now view me more as mysteriously aloof. The insecure tend to label me quickly as Arrogant even without attempting to gather evidence for their silly allegations.
Anyway, excuse the article I’ve written to your response, you would never guess I’m a guy of few words the way I write. Talk to me in-person, you get clear-cut short answers. On computer? You get elaborate novels. LOL
That’s spot on! I wouldn’t say I command respect, but definitely receive it as if others don’t have a choice in the matter. What they do and say behind my back however… I’m more skeptical of.
Managers, Execs, etc. are intimidated usually when I’m viewed more of an authority figure than they are (countless times I’ve been mistaken for the guy-in-charge) or find out they think I’m a threat to their status even though I have no desire for their title; namely the incompetent ones feel this way. The self-assured tend to welcome me with open arms and look to me as somewhat of an unofficial advisor.
Trouble Makers seem to be 50/50 some admire (or act like they do) and some hate me but all seem to have an unwritten rule of respect.
Drug Addicts and the Mentally Unstable/Disabled seem to sober up, become sane, and able to sense the aurora of an INTJ and stay out of the way.
As much as this may sound like a “Noah’s Ark” ‘Cinderella-Snow White-Sleeping Beauty’ Disney movie, I would even go as far to say animals—Yes, animals! —seem to treat me like the chosen one and respect my Gangsta. LOL
As far as eye contact, that also holds merit in my case. Depending on the setting, I sometimes try to avoid it myself in an attempt to make others “feel” at ease.
The only time I don’t have a problem receiving mutual eye-contact is from a romantic interest or business meetings, interviews, etc. where everyone makes an unnatural effort to maintain eye-contact because they read it in the dos & don’ts section of “The Secret to Successful Business Encounters 101” but I can tell it makes a fair amount uncomfortable even with their brains actively telling their eyes to maintain eye contact.
In a casual setting or if I need to create a relaxing environment in tensed situation, I usually position myself at an angle that’s somewhat engaged but a little disengaged (about a 30-40 degree angle) to allow the person I’m conversing with to make eye contact without the… pressure, shall I say, of my “glare” weighing them down. The moment I look at them people almost always avert quickly even though I can tell they were staring me down the entire time from the corner of my eye.
A few years ago I adopted dark tinted (gradient) sunglasses into my wardrobe; it was an eye opener, no pun intended. I would turn my head away from those I suspected were glancing (toward something with minimal appeal: Cellphone, TV, loud Mom yelling at her kids, open space with constant movement, etc.) but have my eyes fixated on the culprit so they wouldn’t know I were watching them watch me. I would just observe how long some would look/stare at me, their body language, facial expressions, etc. I learned a great deal about silent cues this way.
On a side note, guys who aren’t sure whether an attractive lady from across the way happens to be checking you out this easy move can definitely help since women are much more likely to show subtle signs of interest than obvious.
It’s not an exact science, but within reasonable conditions (activities that don’t obstruct body positioning like pumping gas, sitting, etc.), when you aren’t facing them check to see if their shoulders, toes, and face are aligned in your direction for more than 5 seconds… if so, game on. Bonus if you get some sort of fondling of the hair while they gaze at you. They may change position or body language when/if you decide to engage don’t take that as a sign of disinterest, around 87% of the time you’ll find out they’re either shy or aren’t comfortable displaying interest.
I wasn’t aware (nor did I care) how much people found my presence to be entertaining until I started using this trick and paying close attention to how I’m perceived by those around me and receiving confirmation of my analysis.
To address your Oddball comment, in my childhood I was a “cool” Oddball I guess you can say, people knew I was weird but they often wanted to emulate my unique ways. I guess if you own it with confidence people will find it alluring.
Meanwhile I had a friend who was quite odd as well (Think he may have also been an INTJ) but was more self-conscious about it and would get teased and asked by others why I hung out with him. 2 years later he changed tracks (a type of system in some grade schools that determine when your class takes a vacation throughout the school year) and started embracing his weirdness; the “cool” kids now wanted to be around him too.
As I’ve entered my early 20’s I’ve become more outwardly reserved though I still have my Oddball ways I no longer feel the need to put it on display for all to see. Thus most people now view me as mysteriously aloof. The insecure tend to label me quickly as Arrogant even without attempting to gather evidence for their silly allegations.
Anyway, excuse the article I’ve written to your response, you would never guess I’m a guy of few words the way I write. Talk to me in-person, you get clear-cut short answers. On computer? You get elaborate novels. LOL
It’s really nice to read these comments as I can really relate so much. I know this personality test is relatively quite outdated however, it’s the closest of all to ever explain how I think and feel. I feel just fine before, but it sure does feel nice to know that people like me can be understood at some extent- there’s liberation to it. I don’t experience most of the stated experiences in some of these comments- like social isolation. I did blend in, maybe at an average scale, and I wanted to… i mean come on, I still think most INTJs would want “to belong” given the opportunity, however no amount of social validation (whether it be your lover, family and friends) can surpass our ideals and dreams. The weird thing though, most of my friends were mostly people I did not force to get in touch with…while those I did try, did not work out…sometimes, I don’t understand why they’re still coming to me.
But I do get the notion of mental isolation- which I am very careful of. I have lots and lost of these ideas, which I know are quite inappropriate for typical groups discussions and are difficult to express…but it never ticked me that they stay only in me. You know those times when you’re there in the social circle listening and chatting, but you’re really not? It’s nice to play these set of social constructs (which were quite tedious when i was younger) and check out the expected response from various people… when I start to practice it and see some patterns you can use, it can get really interesting since social interaction can really be challenging and can stimulate you mentally at a certain perspective. Although it does take patience… people just don’t get my ideas sometimes- no matter how these ideas can be logical and beneficial. Anyway, all hail all personalities. At some extent, all make this world so much entertaining.
Dianne says, it is so comforting to know that I am not alone. I never knew that their were others with similar characteristics of INTJ personalities. What I wonder is, why do INTJ personalities only represent 1-2% of the population, especially as it relates to women? It is almost like we are chosen to a certain extent. I have exceptional natural leadership qualities, another aspect I learned in my older age, and people subconciously react this quality by assuming that I will take charge of any given situation, which has always bugged the hell out of me. Any one else?
I am also a natural take charge person, but I usually see people doing things and think, “Oh my God. Just get out of my way and let me do it.” I can’t do that, however, so I get to sit back and watch people do a slow crappy job, because if I say anything, they are intimidated that I am after their job. Geez. I so don’t care. I just want it done quickly and correctly. And every time I hear some woman whine that she is just not good with computers, I am inwardly slapping her as I help her.
LOL Same here, I once had a Supervisor who looked to me to solve issues between co-workers. Which always puzzled the hell out of me… I was on the same pay-level they were. I guess titles mean nothing in the presence of an INTJ… even to those holding a title of authority.
In response to MauMau, I can relate to people not grasping ideas I put out or looking at me weird. What is so strange is I only get this reaction from women, especially those that are not as intelligent. Then again, most women avoid me anyway. Any one else?
Dianne asks, Why are INTJ personalities so rare, and ENTJs or other ENs are most popular. I wonder if we are so introverted for a reason, Also, somebody mentioned animals. Birds tend to flock around me, and cats shun me. What about children. Some avoid me, but most children adore me once they warm up to me. Any one else?
Yeah all domestic felines –even the family cat we’ve had as a newborn– run for their lives whenever I get within 7-11 feet. I can only get close if I bait them with food, confuse, or sneak up on ’em.
You would think cats having a lot in common with us they’d be more cozy. But nope, the little furry weirdo allows everyone BUT me near it. The positives, the cat didn’t pee on my stuff but everyone else… not so lucky.
Given our general cold exterior, kids strangely love me too; I keep in touch with my inner-child. In my teens I used to volunteer at my mom’s daycare for administrative experience and they’d light up everytime I arrived from school.
Noticed with introverted kids we have a bit of an awkward start, but when they grow fond of me, usually open up on a greater level than the more extroverted ones. I’ve always had a special ability to make babies smile as well, I mean that literally.
Response to L.
Dianne says: Have you ever walked in on a party, and the vibe changes. Or have people at the party or any gathering overlook you as if you were not there? Since i am misunderstood anyway, I tend to stay in the backgound of any function, and I also do this so that others can feel comfortable and not intimidated by my presence. Do you agree that INTJ’s have strong presence, I have often wondered based on my strange affect on others.
Though I’m invited to parties (The only source of invites seem restrictive to females) or find out some have asked indirectly through mutual acquaintances whether or not I would attend. I tend to avoid parties altogether so don’t have many experiences to draw from. But can relate to a sudden change in vibes when entering a room full of people.
However, gatherings I do attend, I too try to stay in the background but only to preserve energy. The problem though, people insist on shining the spotlight on me.
Making a case for INTJs having a strong presence for the most part seems true. I’ve seen one with a more mellow intensity but most of us seem to have exteriors similar to FBI/CIA agents; exteriors others may call “uptight”.
In response to DisneyC. Thanks for your response. I feel supported in knowing that I am an INTJ and not alone in this world. It seems that most INTJs have a lot of similarities. As for animals, LOL, I totally agree. When I say “command respect,” I get the feeling that this term is taken as if we are viewed as sergeants or something. Reason being, each INTJ that I have responded to using that term, command respect, said that exact same as you. What I mean in using this term, is that I can walk into a room and change the dynamics just by my presence. For example, whatever the people were doing that was “unsavory” if I may put it that way, change what they were doing. And this likely happens with people I know. For example, my husband and I were at a card party with relatives. My husband got drunk and had an argument with a highly respected relative, who was also drunk. I was in another room, and heard all the loud commotion and when to where they were to see what was wrong. Once I entered the room, the highly respected relative immediately quieted down and adjusted his behavior. I was stunned that he did this as he is a very outspoken person. Another example. I was 16 years old, and walked in on my step-father abusing my mother. Once my step-father noticed that I was there in the room, he immediately stopped abusing my mother and adjusted his behavior. Mind you, I was only 16, what power did I have? So thats why I use the word “command,” given the odds reactions from others from a person that may or may not be their equal. I got one more for you. I am a person of few words too, as you can tell by my post,LOL. I hate to talking on the phone for a lenghty time. I like to get to the point, and I cant stand talking to long-winded people. Does this happen to you? Thanks, Dianne.
?… Why was my reply re-posted under another profile a month later???…
But figured you meant command under that context… after the reply was sent. I sometimes take words too literal when reading on a screen. And yes, that happens very often.
There’s only one person I can have an enjoyable lengthy phone conversation with; a friend I’ve known since middle school. And that’s only when we haven’t spoke in a long time and have plenty to update each other on.
But people I see or speak too often… conversations usually last no longer than 3 minutes. And for whatever weird reason people call me expecting me to do most of the talking… like, helllooooo you called me. What do you want? Listen to me breathe? LOL
I just recently found out about being an INTJ and I had that feeling of everything suddenly making sense. But after reading a bit more about the topic I realised that there was still stuff that did not fit the description. Recently I started talking to much and exaggerating emotions when talking about them. But I don`t really feel what I am talking about. I think the last time I cried was half a year ago. I get weird urges to do stuff other people think of as “fun” just becaurse I feel like I need to do something. I take on much more work that I can manage without working all night. I exercise more than I should even though I know I am not anorexic. I feel like I started turning into the kind of person that anoys me and it is really iritating. Recently I read about the “shadow self” INTJs can develop in extremly stressfull situations. Could that be it? I have come to a new school a year ago and I know I have to keep up with the work or I will lose the scholarship I need desperately. And becaurse english isn`t my first language the entire thing gets twice as hard. How do you cope with stress? Would just surpressing any urges to do stuff I know I will later feel uncomfortable about doing help or is there an other, better method?
A few stress relievers when I were in high school –most still work:
Video-games- Mostly Strategy games when stressed (Try this game I recently downloaded on Google Play called “Flow Free”, you have to connect all corresponding dots while covering an entire grid.), competitive games can work as well if I need to release some aggression.
Sports (Playing them; not watching on TV. Watching sports, award shows, concerts, New Year Countdowns, and other events on TV is oddly and slightly depressing for me; it’s hard to explain, it’s like I’m supposed to be doing anything but.)… again when I need to release some aggression.
Puzzles 1,000+ pieces
Fix/Upgrade stuff around the house I haven’t gotten the chance to: Electronics, Appliances, Squeaky Noises, etc.
Mock-up Designs of random ideas.
Pretty much anything that requires some level of thinking irrelevant to whatever is causing the stress. Hope it helps.
Reponse to L: I love puzzles, especially crosswords and word search. I can sit all day to complete a crossword puzzle, it totally relieves stress and allows me to think on issues that need resolving. Listening to music along with completing puzzles is an added bonus! Try it!.
This describes myself
I’m a INFJ dating a INTJ and although I can appreciate the passion for intellectual pursuits (I’m also a “Gifted Adult”), I’m also a “feeling” oriented person. It seems that INTJs are indeed most comfortable with thinking, studying, analyzing, debating etc. wheras a intimate relationship is based upon heart not head. It can be a bit annoying when you’re discussing how stressed out or annoying your day was and instead of emotional support in the form of a hug or shoulder to cry on or a simple “what can I do to make things better?” , you get analytical and linear solutions to a feeling. I’m a person that tends to keep my work life and professional pursuits to myself , I don’t get excited by talking about them until things are completed. On the other hand, INTJs seem to be so enthralled in their pursuits, that can be all that they talk about and they share them with you because their pursuits are their passions. While I understand the differences, they can be extremely annoying. I’m not interested in an indepth linear strategic work conversation when I’m with my boyfriend. FOOD. SEX. GIFTS. ATTENTION. PASSION. FUN. thats what I want. Do you guys think that INTJs are better off single since dating doesn’t seem to be your strong point?
Sounds to me you have an INTJ you barely started dating, or has yet to feel comfortable enough opening up to you emotionally. Our hearts are Locked in a cage with a bullet-proof lock, inside a Vault, in a room secured with a retinal & fingerprint scanner, inside a bunker underground a private facility guarded by: armed guards, military dogs, assault drones, security cameras, fighter jets, and submarines; on an Island far from the general population.
It takes someone very special to us to access, if you’re impatient it probably won’t help as he is probably trying to feel you out to see how much you can be trusted. (Check out famous INTJ Jay-Z, it took him years before he started to show any form of PDA with Beyonce.) But whatever you do don’t TRY to earn his trust we see right through that. You’ll seem needy. INTJ no likey.
We don’t dive head-first into relationships right off the bat, like Fs tend to. That’s how stupid decisions are made. I personally have one foot in the door and the other out when it comes to new relationships.
But do not mistaken that for disinterest, INTJs generally don’t waste time with people they have little or no interest in unless we’re in a position we absolutely have to. So if you aren’t holding him hostage (literally or figuratively) it’s safe to say he’s interested.
Once you get ‘in’ with the INTJ you’ll be surprised by how much affection we are capable of showering our special ones with.
A few things you might need to check off:
Are you a blabber mouth telling all your friends of the intimate details? INTJ no likey, private stuff between you and him must NEVER be shared. He’ll only have reason to be less romantic knowing what he says or do is on display for the world. Be proud not loud.
Are you OVERLY emotional? You probably won’t be able to objectively answer that being a Feeling type…but, yeeaaah that’s exhausting for us. And we won’t waste much energy conversing with someone in an irrational state of mind.
Have you talked to HIM about it??? Although INTJs are awesome we’re not mind readers. You need to be direct; not ducking and hiding, talking to everyone but him about the issue. But when talking to him speak in a way that isn’t going to cause him to stonewall/ignore you. Keep childish emotions at bay and have an adult conversation without getting all worked up.
These guys are completely right here. No drama as we are not good with emotions and if it becomes too much work to support your emotional needs while compromising our independence, then that is a no go. Be aware that trust and honesty are the most important thing to us and any violation of that will be an instant and full cutoff, regardless of time and emotion. Also know that INTJ are less people who say how they feel but are more action oriented. By that i mean acts such as hanging out together or just buying you lunch or your favorite food are things to show our affection. The simple act itself shows our love. We make time for things we love but out of your list above…..2 of them stand out as things you WILL really never get from a INTJ, as i perceive you think in your mind. Attention…umm hit and miss on that. There will be moments of full focus but we have to have independence to chase our other curiosity pursuits. If we feel chained down and it becomes a chore…that’s bad for your relationship future. Passion……kind of answered above. We are not normal the PDA types but once we marry or pick a mate, we assume that is a forever thing and will pour our energies into trying to make it last and to make the best future for our kids. Yes Dating sucks for us, not our strong point as we are Way to picky on mates. Others are right about the 1 foot in and 1 foot out thing. We really are timid and feel people out types.
reply to L and INTJ
This response was on the money! Move with caution as INTJ’s often shy away from those that are overly clinging or all in your space. I would move slow, as it was stated, our hearts are on lockdown until we are sure,
and we always have one foot in and one foot out of relationships.
So the ‘one foot in and out’ approach isn’t just me… Guess it’s an INTJ thang. 🙂
INTJ female, 26, Researcher, Gemini (for those counting the statistics)))
Well…I’m AWESTRUCK! I have never seen myself actually described in black and white (or in white and black).
In fact, it is the first internet discussion I’ve ever bothered to read from the beginning to the end, and the very first one I am sincerely eager to participate in. So, please, forgive me my verbosity. Not only am I trying to comment on two dozens of previous texts in one go, but also I have a peculiar feeling as if a gigantic iron hoop has just fallen off my chest and finally I am free to breathe and speak.
In order to ease the reading and give an opportunity to skip uninteresting parts:
1. Advice to fellow INTJs (school, stress, prejudice)
2. Reflections on my typical INTJ biographical episodes and INTJ-ideas
3. Female INTJs and gender nonconformity
ADVICE to a bunch of people I have never seen and will never see in my life
• To young INTJs stuck in public schools among aggressive half-wits – it does get better in the end. Firstly, you gradually grow more ‘immune’ and tolerant to the overall stupidity (and there ARE smart and nice people around, maybe not in your school though). Secondly, adults in general are forced to be more or less civil to each other and there are more opportunities for moving from one environment to another. Thirdly, university programs with high passing grades automatically filter out people with brains and motivation – life suddenly becomes more bearable. Meanwhile, stay cool and polite, be self-confident, self-sufficient and start looking for a really good college. Don’t forget enjoying things you really love: books, favorite school subjects, collections, films. In short: wait and work.
• Dealing with stress – try learning foreign languages. It the only thing that has ever really helped me out of stress. Trying to analyze and mimic a completely different system you’ll kill two birds with one stone (if not five or six birds). First, you give your brain exercise, it helps blocking out all dull and negative thoughts. Second, if you study in a group, you may find intelligent fellow-students with similar goals. A foreign language may help you in your career. When you master B2 you’ll be able to actually talk, I always find it easier to speak virtually about everything in some foreign language. Meaningful conversations in foreign language courses are the best morale booster ever! Maybe you should try some really exotic language, to make the challenge more exiting.
• Prejudice – it will always exist against you, if you are a minority. Change places. It really helps. I know it. I’ve tried.
I AM AN INTJ (a biography of a freak)
I found that I am an INTJ out only 2 days ago and I wish I had known it before. This explains A LOT. I guess the very being an INTJ had naturally prevented me from finding out earlier that I was one – taking psychological tests of all sorts and kinds (together with horoscopes) is a favorite pastime of the vast majority of my female acquaintances. I have always treated all tests with suspicion, as something illogical, based on doubtful evidence. But here I am, staring if not at all my personal traits, but practically at all my personal problems.
• As a child I was serious, curious, a bit shy. I used to avoid other children, rarely participated in active games, hated kindergarten and primary school. I used to drive my mother crazy with the demands ‘Read me!’. I myself learned to read pretty early though. Already as a child I hated wearing uniforms, team sports, dancing and especially walking in pairs. I was everything but lovely and boisterous – stubborn, self-wiled and capricious. Not a baby-angel type))). What was really getting to my nerves even then was the daily schedule dictated by someone else (e.g. eating and sleeping at a particular time in a kindergarten etc.). I suspect all INTJs are happier when left to their own devices.
• As a teenager I was even less angel-like than as a child. When I was 13, I had my hair cut very short, started wearing jeans and trousers instead of skirts and dresses. I was even more stubborn, but now sarcastic and straightforward. I loved studying and hated school. What I hated about school? Practically everything: classmates, inept teachers, physical education classes, school choir, but classmates on the first place. I felt strangely alienated from them, as if we were different species, we even spoke differently. I was just… different. I did not wear make-up, did not dress sexy, did not go to discos, parties etc. I was bored out of my senses. Bored and repulsed by the way things were. I knew perfectly well what people meant, when they lied, what they wanted and how primitive the majority of them were. I simply could not bring myself to pretend I loved the things other girls loved – gossip, clothes, boys, relationships. Even now I label people who only care about clothes, sex, who-said-what, who-earns-more etc. as ‘empty’. Yes, as many INTJs here I have always been haunted by boredom and loneliness. As a result I was using every opportunity to stay at home; I could stay at home for weeks under pretence of a small cold, read books (mostly about travelling and adventure) and do homework in my own tempo, and then come back to school and get best marks in the class. At the age of 14 I already was a confirmed atheist with no believe in authorities, or, in fact in any social institutions. Now I see that it is a not an unusual behavior and way of thinking for an INTJ. And certainly my ‘charming’ personality was not easily tolerated. I have never been exactly bullied or mistreated; I was just ignored and perhaps… respected to some extent. It was as if I was constantly surrounded by a glass wall. My parents used to be very upset by the way I turned out. I was not ‘normal’ in their eyes, as I was stubbornly not fitting in. Yet I always knew that I was ‘normal’ and everyone else was not. Now it does make sense, seeing that the label ‘normal’ is usually given by the majority, and I represent only 1%. The social ‘norm’ is a very relative thing.
• At university life suddenly became beautiful (for an INTJ beautiful = interesting). Interesting classes, interesting people (neither of them an INTJ by the way!), competent professors, meaningful conversations. I became an intellectual leader of the group, enthusiastic, energetic, eager. And a nicer person on the whole. I was still saying exactly what I meant but in a politer way as I really cared for the opinions of the people around me. The happiness lasted four years before I grew totally disappointed in the university I ended up in. It did not meet my high standards (which I sincerely believed not to be high, but ‘normal’). I was officially titled the best student of the Faculty but felt immensely miserable because the quality of my education was – in my opinion – low. A typical INTJ problem, I guess… A severe depression followed.
• So I started writing a PhD…won a grant to conduct the research in another country…lived there for a while…returned home. The story repeated itself – brief period of happiness and enthusiasm followed by another severe depression caused by the very same reasons… An INTJ to the core.
FEMALE INTJs and gender nonconformity
Here comes my question to all fellow female INTJs. Do you have any problems with gender stereotypes? I strongly suspect that some INTJ typical traits may be considered masculine and not met with applause. An INTJ is characterized as a strong individual. Does being an INTJ automatically entail being psychologically androgynous? For me it definitely does. While it is socially acceptable for a man to be immersed in his work, be reserved, witty and downright in expressing his opinions, the very same characteristics are never really appreciated in females. The ideal of a woman is that of a kind submissive creature, a good mother, a romantic girlfriend, of something at the same time physically attractive and naïve. Young women dress up, go shopping, and wear a lot of make-up in order to make themselves pretty. I have never been OK with it. It seems to me that if you are a female INTJ you always have to face these ridiculous expectations. For me personally life is a constant battle against gender stereotypes. At home. At work. In Everywhere. Outwardly I am a typical female, slim, almost blond, considered to be beautiful by many, I have my personal style, now after 4 years of teaching I have developed basic performance skills, yet I regard myself sexless, a third gender, neither male nor female. Not out of conviction. I just can’t feel other way. I cannot associate myself with other women; it is virtually against my nature.
Still can’t get use to the fact there are individuals out there whom are within the realm of my outlook on many aspects. I’m not a female INTJ but I can definitely see how it can be tougher as a female NTJ in an insecure society with a ‘Bonobo’ Complex (My classification of those you identify as “empty”.). The weak hate the strong. But I relate heavily to your experience as a child up until high school.
I wasn’t fond of kindergarten either, probably the only kid capable of stubbornly staying awake throughout the entire nap time. Still don’t see the purpose behind Kindergarten; to teach kids to conform and that uniqueness is intolerable I guess.
Conformity never was my style. Fortunately, I only had to spend a week or two in Kinder before they bumped me up to 1st grade. I had already learned to read, write, basic math, tie my shoes, truth of Santa Clause, even had the sex talk (Not that cheesy, confusing, birds and bees garbage either) between ages 3 and 4. I was years ahead of most kids; maturity, academic, and otherwise.
In Head-Start (a type of pre-school) I used to bite with teeth marks branded into the skin, kick, scratch, and punch this teacher (kind of disproving my maturity LOL) who had an out for me and always tried to force me to do stuff. I never stayed in time-out when I was told, making whoever placed me there aware of it by taunting them saying something along the lines of “Hey Teacherrrrr, look at me I’m not in Time-out.”, ignored those who spoke to me whom I didn’t like, you name it, I was a little bad-ass playing to my own drum when my mom was nowhere around, but an angel when she were; out of love and respect not out of authority.
When I reached elementary I got sent to the principal’s office maybe 3-5 times every school year for fighting, “Insubordination”, and when teachers felt ass-hurt I learned something without them (and showboated a little bit) :-).
Middle School was my simmering down period, less aggressive and more level-headed. But still got detention on a regular basis and sent to the principal’s office a couple times (over the span of 3 years; a major improvement) when I disagreed with some illogical BS orders a teacher gave me aka “Insubordination”. It always felt like Teachers wanted to control me just for the sake of an increase in ego points; as if I were an elusive Big Foot they were hunting. Then slap me with insubordination once they realized I had no strings on me; impossible to control with a brain of my own.
Your teen paragraph pretty much sums up a great deal of my teenage experience, except for:
Atheism – I wouldn’t consider myself exactly religious even though I was raised in a Christian house. But do believe in someone or something greater than us. Whether this mysterious individual or force identify them self as God, Allah, Zeus, or something else isn’t as much of concern to me as the essential foundation they share. I’ve kind of formed my own spiritual theories through contradictions and understandings of existing religions, science, and other belief systems. Even as an INTJ Labeled “Scientist” I do think there are things that exist that science cannot and will never be able to explain.
P.E. – Was probably my favorite when I had at least one other friend in the class I could count on to team up with and wreck havoc. I’m rather Athletic. Though I have a strong preference for individual sports (Boxing), I can play team sports effortlessly IF my teammates are competent; I just prefer to have more control over the outcome so I either bare all the blame or all the glory. Not losing because some of my teammates couldn’t get the job done while I busted my ass and got us 90% of way to the finish line, or winning and being a non-factor.
Loneliness – Don’t mean to sound sexist, but from personal observation that seems to be a more prevalent issue in Female INTJs I’ve noticed (From this comment section alone, every time loneliness is mention it’s a female). Males seem almost boastful spending as much time away from society as possible and being “weird”. Probably due to the pressures society place on women to be a certain way, and the rarity you highlighted of the NT trait in females as opposed to socially acceptable, superficial, ESF women. You ladies are like the Black Unicorn of types so it’s understandable.
To touch a little more into High School, my overall demeanor was sort of… Rebellious from the background; ditching classes I had no interest in (failing most), taking extra lunches when I felt like, the complete opposite of the school boy straight ‘A’ student I used to be in elementary; somehow I still managed to graduate with honors and exact credits required though. I had also become a master at covering my tracks, never getting in any official trouble throughout my entire 4 years. All physical altercations were never recorded, Teachers seemed to admire and respect me more, and all other activities had a hard time being traced back to me.
There was an instance my 10th grade French teacher sent me to another class for “not paying attention to her” even though I recalled everything she said. But she was just some bi-polar, overly dramatic bitch, with a stick up her ass (Probably an ESFP). Two years later she was the Chaperone of my charter bus on our way to Disneyland for Grad Night. She had the nerve to smile and be ultra fake with me acting like we were the best of friends knowing she always gave me a hard time simply for being the Chief of the classroom. I didn’t even bother speaking, I just grabbed my ticket from her got on the Bus and sat down with a friend who wondered why I was so cold toward a teacher who practically was throwing herself at me (She did seem a little eager now I think about it.).
College? I dropped-out; I see college as an outdated inefficient system with the instant free–In broad terms–access of the internet around. Couldn’t sit in a class for 2 hours learning something I could’ve wrapped up in 45 minutes on my own, and painfully listen to all the annoyances (other students) ask the same FUCKIN’ questions REpeeEEatedly!!! Have Professors say everything we covered is on the exam only to find out it was a blatant lie.
Then be required to waste 4 years (and some, if you count Grad school) taking courses which were irrelevant to my major (about 75%) just to acquire a degree and become another statistic with some degree I don’t need in a profession entirely unrelated. I —like most INTJs—am a ‘learn to apply’ kind of guy not a ‘learn for the hell of it’ guy which I found most to be, no clear strategies whatsoever, just a bunch of entertaining NTPs babbling on about being overly educated on topics that matter very little in the grand-scheme of things; solely to give an impression of being “intellectual” through meaningless and endless theorizing that rarely ever becomes concrete. Plenty Talk but no Walk.
So I took all the relevant education I NEEDED regarding money management (most was learned in Accounting and Business classes I took in High School) and followed through on a childhood ambition of becoming an Independent Securities Trader to gain financial stability to achieve my next childhood goal of building a successful Corporation. In hindsight I could’ve done without any college everything you learn is through trial, error, and reliable sources (Accurate Internet sources, Individuals who’ve been in your situation, Books, etc.).
I’m in the process of researching for a start-up I’m considering and contemplating to go back for my MBA when I have enough money to flush down the toilet, just because it “looks pretty”. *Chuckle*
People seem to get a hard-on when you tell them you have a degree in “Blah Blah”. Even though there’s zero correlation between being a Successful Student and having a Successful Career. Starbucks is proof. Then again, I might NOT go back just to prove a point. I might just hire someone I respect and trust with a MBA to be the face and advisor—when needed—while I pull all the strings from the background.
I know my views on College are a bit strong, but I just don’t see much use for it in a technologically advanced era. Unless you’re going to become a Doctor, Chemist, Engineer, or other specialty specific professions that schools allow you access to tangible materials not easily accessible to the public.
But Entertainment, Arts, Business, and other majors more experience-focused than knowledge, you can just buy equipment, download software, view tutorials, and practice on your own; making college virtually useless for most majors. It’s more of a burden; you’ll just tack on unnecessary debt (unless you have a Scholarship or Grant; still a burden on your time though.).
It should only take a year or so to earn most degrees if only they would trim out the fat. But that will probably never happen until schools are endangered of closing. Which I predict to be within the next 20 years or so, Colleges are worse than American Banks; they feed you some BS why you need a “good” college when a JC will do just fine, just to put you in debt to fatten their own pockets. Then by time most people realize they’ve been had, it’s too late. I have more to say about your comment but then I scrolled up and seen how much I’ve written. LOL Pardon the Article.
I’ve never heard anyone else describe the “beauty” of college life, the constant need for new experiences, the love of languages, the hassle of cost analyzing conforming to female behavioral or fashion standards, or the thought of being a third gender so closely to how I’ve come to regard and experience them. Bizarre. It’s nice to know im not alone. In addition to being a rare “black unicorn” female INTJ as someone wittily put it, I also have the fortune of being an athletic tomboy, which really reinforces people thinking I’m gay-although im not. I’ve now embraced it and made it a lifelong joke; it’s more comfortable that way. All the young INTJs out there: Tyrion Lannister has a great quote about making your weakness a strength. If I could give my younger self any advice, it would be to embrace the weird and be confident.
I’m also a 26 yo female INTJ and potentially looking for a career change. I’m a military officer and love the idea of an organization that prizes high standards, performance based results, and Decisiveness. However, it’s gotten to the point where, like a relationship going south, I feel like I live for the 5% of the time I’m doing the things I love about the job. The rest of the time is spent with the ball and chain I have come to regard as Microsoft Office-particularly excel and Outlook. But I’m not using them to plan, I end up tediously checking others’ for corrections or plugging in information for someone else’s presentation. I hate checking emails all day and responding to a bunch of crap outside of what I should/could be planning for or brainstorming how to eliminate inefficiencies, and I especially hate lengthy and inefficient meetings. The ideas of autonomy, pursuit of knowledge, and being surrounded by other intellectual individuals have made university teaching an interesting next move, though I’ve also thought of project management, consulting, and coaching. My only problem is I just seem to have too many interests; I want constant variety and don’t want to be nailed down to one specific area of study or profession. The diversity and constant moving locations and changing of job titles are some of the best secondary incentives to the military, and will probably keep me from getting out before a few more years at least. I thought I’d be around similar personalities here, but although I’ve found a couple good friends, the politics and beaurocratic CYA admin policies cam become stifling.
Anyway, hope that contribution helps someone along the way and if anyone has experience in university teaching, consulting, research, project management, or coaching, I’d love to hear what you think about intjs being compatible with those particular career fields.
Reply to Flamor: You are not alone! I am a female INTJ, but I always felt as though I was more male oriented. I do like to shop, but by myself, not with a mob of other women. I wear some make-up, buy light. I could wear jeans and a tee shirt every day. I have never been able to maintain female friendships because I find females to be very needy or clingy, which I hate! I also hate small talk, gossip, talking on the phone, all the typical female stuff that they do. It was when I found this website that I learned that there were others like me, and I was not an oddball after all!
INTJ female’s confession:
I find people stupid for not understanding what is. If something is, then it is. No need to bend the definitions. I am as direct as I can be and don’t play any games (unless it lies in my interest to confuse you in order to gain information from you; which I happen to find amusing and informative). It’s frustrating for me, to constantly be asked to explain something that completely makes sense, on a logical level, and doesn’t need to be explained. I get to hear “but, what do you REALLY mean by that”… I choose my words very carefully when speaking and that’s just who and how I am; and that makes people think that I hide dark secrets within which leads to me not wanting to speak much or more than necessary, to spare people from speculations which of course leads to more suspicions. I do understand the importance of emotions, and I can deal with emotional people, but when you react to a certain something, that “something” is your reason/trigger and try to see what you can do to deal with it, right? No big deal about it, either you can or can not, Do or don’t.
Haha, sorry, I got a little carried away… What I intended to say was, even tough I always choose my words wisely (or stupidly) I can not seem to (know how to) tear down the wall of stupidity that people put up by explaining because words are not enough or I can’t seem to know the words to what I know and am trying to explain.
Also, I find myself “talk” emotions/feelings rather than “feel” them. I’ve learned how to detect feelings by studying others in different situations and project them to myself just to be able to manage a social situation. It’s draining!
LOL I was having dinner with a friend of mine and her friend; we were talking about something and he says to me “you must have a big heart”. My response was “my heart is just a muscle as big as my fist”, His face… Priceless!
Anyway, anyone else?
“It’s frustrating for me, to constantly be asked to explain something that completely makes sense, on a logical level, and doesn’t need to be explained. I get to hear “but, what do you REALLY mean by that””
LOL Know exactly what you mean! People love to ask for explanations on the self-explanatory. Like we’re speaking in code or something.
I’ll use something off of “Blue Bloods” since I recently seen it. The commissioner asked his Assistant what was he doing while he was standing at the podium writing, The Assistant said, “Writing notes for debriefing.” The commissioner replied, “What is that? Like a Cheat-sheet?” The assistant replied, “No… like notes, for a debriefing.” I may be paraphrasing the conversation. But laughed because those are the type of annoying questions I face almost daily. When I communicate precisely what I mean the first time.
I agree, and I hate to keep repeating myself. I find that I now ignore re-explaining something. I just leave them hanging.
This is by far the best description of INTJs. Great work.
I’m back lol
INTJ, female, 20 y o
I keep reading about the INTJs being “trouble” children, but that just does not describe me at all!
When I was younger, I was shy and enjoyed my own company very much as I found no need to be with other kids, but at the same time I could just “feel” like getting away from myself sometimes and play with other kids.
I was to be found in a corner either with my homework or a book (most of the time I would use school just to be left alone) and minding my own business. I was quiet as a mouse, didn’t speak unless I found it necessary to do so, or unless someone asked me a certain question, and I would answer it directly. And if the question was vague, I would ask for a specification (which I find myself doing now too; and I’ve realized that it kills meaningless convos and annoys the hell out of people). Grown ups constantly told me that I was too mature for my age and that I understood things that my fellow mates didn’t.
I was a perfect child with no demand of attention cos I’ve always hated attention.
I’ve been told that there’s some kind of shine about me, some kind of glow that makes people want to come closer to me and talk to me; which I’ve always found strange as I’m not comfortable spending to much time with people (whoever it is). Well, I can enjoy being in someone’s company without feeling the need to talk. Freaks most of them out… I get to hear things like “are you ok? Are you mad at me? Etc…
My family never understood why I would keep to myself and always talked about me having problems showing people who I was when that was exactly what I was doing. But even though I couldn’t satisfy them emotionally, they didn’t really bother me too much about it as I was a “genius”. I set my goals, and quietly worked to reach them without including anyone, cos I wouldn’t put myself on the journey without calculating the risks from every angle. That might be one of the reasons why they didn’t bother me too much as I didn’t ask for anything. That’s an other thing… Asking, isn’t in my vocabulary unless I know that I can repay, one way or an other. I hate it when people do me favors, cos I feel like I, at that moment, owe them as it’s always a two-way-street to me.
I’ve felt different, but it has never bothered me that much as I’ve always taken pride in that. I adapt quickly, but I also get bored as quick. Things, people, places, everything, bores me. I need constant stimulation or motivation to keep me interested. I hate monotony! I like to say about myself that I’m a nomad at heart. I’ve gotten the question what I’m running from before, but I’m not. I answer in the same manor each time, and it’s “I’m not running, I’m just trying to find home. I’m looking for a reason to stop”.
I love my mother to death and she is an excellent mother and mom, but I haven’t seen her in 11 years. Many can not understand how I can do it, but this is my journey and I need to be where I am which is where I’m supposed to be.
I know that psychologists say that kids with lack of affection and love, turn out to be cold as adult and hate physical contact. Well, I come from a loving home, but I don’t like to be touched. Too much physical contact makes me very uncomfortable, but I can be very sociable at times O.O
I have a huge interest in psychology. I’ve learned how to enter into people’s heads and create confusion; and read them easily. I can “talk” to anyone without really talking. I see life as nothing but a social game played by everyone without realizing it. It’s all about interests. The mind is my playground. I both love and hate it; but either way, I can’t help it. I’m always analytical. I make people feel too comfortable and uncomfortable.
I have troubles really bonding with people because of the way I see the world. I go into any type of relationship with one foot in and the other out. If it works, then fine, if it doesn’t then on with my life. Lesson learned. I loose respect for people easily, but I’m never “mean”.
I have a fascination for pain and mindcontrol, but I hate violence and injustice in real life. Just not when it’s fictional, cos then it exites me. Ugh! I feel like I’m a collection of paradoxes…
Ok, I didn’t meean for it to be this long. I’m stopping here. Excuse my English, I’m no native.
I love your response! I similarly think of the take and gift relationship as a 2-way street. However, too often I get excited by giving other things, be it acts of service or gifts. It may be a reflection of the fact that I feel guilty about not contributing enough to my family financially or to society in an effective way. As a female INTJ, it has always been difficult for me to find intellectual stimulating people to talk to. Even my closest friend drives me crazy when he asks questions that I label “common sense”. Due to the fact that my knowledge base in the hard sciences is so large, sometimes I’m seen as intimidating, when I’m just trying to teach people. Does anyone have the problem with setting expectations for other people and wonder why they just slack off all the time? In learning more about INTJs, I’ve gained more reassurance in myself and confirmation that it’s okay to be myself. Honestly, my mom, though a lovely angel, sometimes pressure me to do things, which I see as forcing, and demanding that I..act like normal girls lol. I can go to school without brushing my hair. Forget make up or pretty clothes. I prefer dark, long suits that give the mysterious and strong and confident look. 🙂
I’m a senior in high school as the moment and struggling to decide what to do with my life. I understand that I don’t have to know it now, but concrete plans need to be in place. I’m considering medical/dental school and nursing, which I believe will be very bad for my personality.
I also notice that I sometimes think of extreme ideas not suitable in group discussions or anywhere really. Recently got scolded like 3 times from teacher and mom for being too “blunt”. It’s not uncommon but I’m trying to soften up a bit to not hurt any feelings! As a previous poster have said (I snapped my favorite posts), the weak hates the strong. When I’m discussing my thoughts and pointing out faults in others’ thinking, it’s taken as slamming people to the ground when I’m just stimulating debate. Other times, they get too “stressful” and bad mouths me, which is well…I was hurt because I’ve never ever been mean to anyone, no matter how hateful I felt at any given moment. INTJ innocence or just me being naive? Either way, just some long ranting. It’s my 1st lengthy reply in years.
Hi! One INTJ here – found my type out 2 years ago – now I’m 31. Because our school system don’t apply Myers- Briggs. But now I’m lucky that I did it. It is a good stick where to rely…
Probably like a true INTJ I came to the Myers Briggs view trying to understand better others. I love the systemic aspect of it and the almost eerie way it describes me.
Many great comments but only to chime in on a few around work.
I realize I don’t suffer fools gladly, answering what I consider questions with obvious answers or re-answering a question. I try not to show these feelings though and maintain an outward air of politeness. I realized from a young age that people just didn’t get a lot of what I said, but found when my ideas were put to the test (literally and also in real world projects) they invariably worked, and worked very well. As I want to communicate effectively (probably more from a practical motivation) I have worked hard over the many years to understand how to present my ideas to different audiences / personality types.
For other INTJs out there, this has been a huge boon in my current career in patent law, being able to translate the highly technical ideas and concepts of scientists (who in my experience have a larger proportion of INTJs and allied types) to corporate executive, venture capitalists and judges. In my career I have been very adept at predicting the behavior and decisions of judges. I cannot tell you how many times “more experienced” lawyers have told me I’m wrong, or just cannot grasp at all where I’m coming from. Yet the proof has always been in the pudding. Maybe this is because there are a disproportionate number of INTJs among judges In short, it is worth the effort to treat communicating with others as any other intellectual activity we would throw ourselves into.
I found the most satisfying work environment when working with an ENTJ. I may be on the I/E border myself, I can be very personable and enjoy throwing parties, but when the chips are down alone time is what I need to recharge.
My struggles are like some of the above, I get bored quickly and work environments filled with pedantic people, waste in the form of penny wise pound foolish behavior, layers upon layers of administrative tasks to either CYA or meet the latest in management theories that say if you just measure x and get number y your company will make more money. The absolute worst for me, which is not that uncommon among people who climb to senior management, are people taking credit for my accomplishments while have no compunction about throwing me under the bus so people like them. It reminds me of a few lab partners I had (only once) in school.
I don’t know if others find this but for me I have a very hard time managing up. Basically I don’t. If my “boss” is of the right personality type they love me because I work hard and produce results others cannot…but only if they give me latitude in how I work. Those that insist I do it a certain way, without any logical, legal, regulatory, etc. reason, I invariably butt heads with.
Unlike some of the type description, I find I manage down very well. Maybe because I genuinely value people’s personal lives based on my philosophy of life. So I work very hard to make sure my requests are reasonable, and if not admit that, and respect their personal time and life needs (even going to bat for them and taking the hit from my “boss”). I strive to also show them how certain tasks can be done instead of just demand it get done. Although they do find me somewhat distant, most all who have worked for me will go to the ends of the earth for me because they know once they are done I will make sure they are rewarded, I look out for their future and I take responsibility for their mistakes and ensure others know they are the ones deserving credit. In the end, productivity in my teams is always high and turnover non-existent. All very different from my colleagues (and most senior management) who enjoy managing by a thumbscrew accountability approach. The logical contortions they go through to justify this style despite all corporate propaganda and research articles to the contrary is very amusing to me and telling of them.
Comment to M
I too applied the Myers-Brigg and found many similarities. It help me to know ME better. I found out that I am not a weirdo after all! I do have a question-do most INTJs get weird looks from others, a kind of blank stare. I find that every so often I encounter blank stares from others which can occur all day from different people. I feel like I’m from Mars! Anyone else.
I am INTJ female AND Asperger. There seems to be a connection between the two, and yet…. I blog at http://aspergerhuman.wordpress.com and include some INTJ posts. If anyone is Asperger and INTJ, please leave a comment.
I am an INTJ woman who recently lost a job because co-workers were threatened with my insight and communication style. Also I just think I was too good at the job. Even tho’ I am in my late 40’s, it still takes me by surprise that people are intimidated and threatened by my personality.
I notice that I tend to ask a lot of questions when I am learning. People do not like this. I think sometimes (after considering it) that perhaps they can’t answer the questions. I think that is what happened in this case.
I seem to need to understand the whole picture, so I ask about A-Z, even if my job is only A-D. I see this as hardworking, logical and engaged. People see this as attitude.
Although I am still not sure that MB personality types are helpful, I am looking at the way my communication style is received, I notice here that INTJs are often viewed as too direct. I have had that feedback in the past. INTJs are seen as confident. Well that is so funny. I feel calm and don’t carry on like a baby, and people see that as confident! Hahahahaha. If they could only see the turmoil inside!
The theory of highly sensitive personality has also been helpful to me, especially in terms of work. I tend to take a break outside the office and seek nature and calm at lunch time. I didn’t realise that people find this disengaged or aloof! I just needed to get the hell outta there!
You’re probably a mistyped INTP. INTJ’s usually just need to know what only concerns them; the more objective type. INTP’s like to know A-Z plus 1-100 even if it’s irrelevant to them and will in no way apply it. Also confusing a thirst for endless knowledge as hardworking rather than HOW it’s applied.
Read the description of the MBTI INTP to see if that better suits your personality. If still uncertain of the MBTI premise, see how you’re typed with the less popular ‘Socionics’ Theory. Many INTP’s and INTJ’s tend to cross-type between theories.
I’ve tested INTJ in both theories and find they closely resemble me at least 90%. But some find Socionics more relevant and ditch MBTI altogether to adopt Socionics as their go-to for personality enlightenment.
Those who find MBTI less than helpful usually find Socionics to be more accurate and Vice-Versa.
Though, there is ONE aspect of Socionics I highly disagree with and that’s typing by physical appearance AKA “V.I. typing.” You probably won’t see an overweight INTJ, sure, since we pretty much view food as a sole means to survive. But when you go in-depth about facial structure, etc. (you know, things largely determined by DNA)… it starts to sound a bit outlandish.
Thanks L – I will take a look at INTP and Socionics
In response to Catwomen
I have the same problems on my job. I balance it by not asking to many questions since I am so direct. What is the theory of highly sensitive personality? Maybe I can apply this theory in helping me in terms of work. Also, were your female employees more threatened by your “disengagement or aloofness. It seems to be on my job.
Dr Elaine Aron has researched and written about personality type she called ‘highly sensitive personality’ or HSP – her book is called ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ and website is hsperson.com/ There is a quick quiz which is may be completed online or at the beginning of the book. It seems that 20% of the population fall into this category. I seem to fit, and the writings and strategies help me.
The most recent situation was where two older women were threatened by me and got their egos all out of wack because I was learning so quickly in a field they had worked in all their lives, i.e. they based their whole careers and identity on their achievements in this field, so they were very touchy when I came along and in their eyes, learnt so much so quickly. It was a confusing situation because at first they welcomed this and praised me then very quickly they turned on me and became very hostile very quickly. Yes in the past I have stayed very quiet and learnt in the workplace in a more ‘passive’ way – i.e. just sit and listen to what the person is telling me, ask a few basic questions, then look into it online via work intranet or learn by reading previous emails and any other stuff I can look at, without actually asking.
I may need to go back to this strategy in my next role.
The ‘disengagement or aloofness’ comes with my reading of how people perceive HSPs – and perhaps INTJs – especially in the workplace. The thing is I do not fit the profile in that I love meetings and I love team building workshops etc. (I actually design and run them) and I am not so ‘cold and logical’ that I do not need these things. It is just that I get so overwhelmed with stimulus of work, be it a busy office with many people, or even a small office with just a few, that I really benefit from taking some time to myself in the middle of the day – and getting out of the office (and into nature) is the ideal. So this has been one of my work coping strategies for years. I guess I am fairly precious about this now.
So I read that this behaviour might tend to separate the INTJ from others in the workplace, who already see them as non communicative, that is all. I think that, in most of my work places, over time people have accepted that is how I like to take my break, and because I am actually effective in my communication and form good working relationships (over time), this is not a negative at all, in fact managers and coworkers usually respect this self-management style.
The role that I just lost was an absolute cracker in terms of INTJ vs others incompatibility and I am sure that I am better off out of that job! Oh- yeah! Of course, as an INTJ, I resigned at the same time, and held myself back from advising them on how badly they had handled the review and exit situation. Hahahhahaha!
I must say, it always rings true to me, that I do not respect any authority unless I choose to, just someone having the title or position does not, in my schema, mean they really have it. It is all part of being able to see ‘beyond the matrix’. Scary I know, but that is what we deal with as INTJs, I believe.
Thanks for the forum, everyone 🙂
No Prob Catwoman, hope it helps.
I was just about to get something to eat… but ran out of Hot Pockets. While I was looking for something else quick to make, I started to wonder if this is an INTJ thing or just me. How many of you prefer a quick meal to preparing an entire dinner?
I only cook if I absolutely have to (e.g. Need to go to the store to stock up on fruits, packaged/quick, or microwavable food.), and even when I do, I always search for the quickest thing to cook. Would rather waste $20 on a pizza than spend an hour or two in the kitchen.
Baking is probably the only thing I find tolerable, because you just mix the ingredients pop it in the oven, set the timer, and go about your day until whatever you prepared is ready.
Anyone find cooking enjoyable? View Cooking to be a waste of valuable time? Or find food in general to be a burden?
I like to cook but absolutely no time for it. That being said, I do love to bake, as unlike cooking it’s pretty simple, straight forward, and less labor intensive. Also it’s a pretty good snack and item you can share with others as a social thing. As with me, time is my most important commodity and food is the one thing I’m not as frugal as i should be. I can eat horribly unhealthy at times but i never over-eat. I just eat when i am hungry and only eat until i’m full or satisfied and save the rest for later.
I recently took the Myers-Briggs test and found that I am an INTJ. Thank you for this informative post, especially on the career portion.
Hmm … to the many INTJ ladies here. Did you hear Hillary Clinton is one?? Looking at that in Context.. it does kind of explain a lot based on her personality. Although her staying with Bill after the affair seems out of character. Tho i do understand the reasons for it. Any opinions about that?
PS: to Everyone. I do laugh as you can tell an INTJ by our long posts and use of data to back up points. We sure do love our opinions and to give advise. But TBH all of it is sound and reasonable. Very sorry for you INTJ females out there.
I’m a 55 year old male and just fond out that I’m an INTJ. I’ve basically been out of work for 3 years now since I finally blew up at work & got into a shouting match with my idiot bosses. 12 years of putting up with bullshit finally reached its limit. This was my second career that ran its course. I tried starting my own business but dealing with the sales end of it was too much. I have many handy man skills so I’ve managed to pick up work every now and then to earn some money. My savings have been depleted and debt is piling up fast. It’s gotten to the point now where I need a job badly which is how I stumbled upon the MB tests. Problem is I see so much information about career choices but that’s no help when I need a job now and minimum wage won’t work. It’s nice to know I’m not alone but I’m not looking for sympathy or interested in hearing how someone else is just like me. If anyone has helpful solutions I would be delighted to hear them.
INTJ from Brazil. fell like a foreign here. as a young male (27) i preffer to be a single person. people are dumb where i live. i enjoy the silence. i know this is a very old post but im very happy that there is other like me somewhere. i dont feel so alone now.
Makes for very interesting reading,for sure.
Most interesting, for sure.it pretty much explains alot.looking to open and become more.from here on in.
I’m a sixteen year old Intj female and I find this to match me exactly. I generally dislike and don’t fit in with the average highshcool student but I don’t care cause I’m happy being me and would rather read or draw than talk to a boy. Boys in general don’t interest me as mates but girls do….as long as they’re not too emotional, plus they’re actions must be based on logic. This discussion is spot on about me and I especially hate being controlled by people who don’t get to know me as the independent and fierce person I am.
to Preyote. Hi Preyote. I too did not fit in with the average crowd, and I still don’t. People, especially women, feel uncomfortable around me or ignore me all together. Do you get this treatment from women?
I feel like i have met my long-lost family reading the comments below. The style of writing, the tone when one reads, it’s glorious! I am an INTJ 23-year-old woman, and I cried – cried! – reading this. Just had a bad breakup and on a quest of self-evaluation (not easy), I found this website. Such an eye opener, let me tell you. I had already known I was different from a very young age, and thought I was literally going insane from how bipolar I felt I always was. Even considered suicide a few times in my life because I felt wrong for “being so cynical and cold.” Our personality is vilified in society, and it’s refreshing to read that others have come to accept themselves and excel in something. I was so down and “feelers” we’re not helping. So much for feelers being nice. If you tap them they scream and try to rip your face off. Then they wonder why we are so alof all the time….. Ugh.
As for the astrology thing, I read it with a grain of salt. The best read I have found on the subject is a book by Suzanne White, “The New Astrology.” Paid for a copy that cost me the price of a cheap lunch out to eat, and it was as accurate as the Myers. I am a Capricorn Monkey myself, and it’s like the Myers was a part two to the book. What the book couldn’t cover, it covered here.
Thank you everyone, it is a real uplifter to know that I am not alone and there are people who KNOW how it is to be us. Sarcastic mouths with direct precision to cut out the crap.
What I find interesting is that Military Officer is listed as a good career choice for INTJ whilst being a cop isn’t.
I have done the military and absolutely disliked it due to the illogical rules. There are so many rules that create inefficiencies and plenty of politics in a ”military meathead” kind of way as supposed to office politics.
I am now a cop and love it; INTJs can deal with being unpopular. Things always change, one day is never the same and most importantly, you do feel your work is always making some change i.e. it is easy to find goals constantly. INTJs are probably best in investigation type police work as most would guess.
Yes the police have rules for working obviously but most of them are necessary, rules are not a problem as long as there is logic. Bureaucracy is the biggest issue but that comes in all careers in some form or another.
Just my two cents; I am from the UK so the military/police careers are probably vastly different from the US where I suspect most of these MBTI tests are done in. US police is a paramilitary which I suspect to be the reason for it being bad for INTJs but the UK is not modelled like that at all.
Try looking up your birth date on the secret language of birthdays..
Also enneagram, personality types, head heart gut reactions…👍
The INTJs are often inwardly focused on their thoughts of the way the world is enjoy day dreaming. They can be quite stubborn when information relayed to them by authorities, such as parents and teachers, contradicts what they believe.