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Your First Contract…
Letterhead from THE UNIVERSE
Life Form #126GV29APZ23
Milky Way Galaxy
Dear Life Form,
You have been selected for the role of EXISTENCE. We are proud to offer this highly coveted position and applaud you on overcoming the immense odds to be with us. You are about to enter a highly competitive work environment filled with natural wonders, millions of diverse species, astronomical treasures and personal tragedies and triumphs.
Your position will begin starting AT BIRTH and will last until DEATH. You have been given the following tools in your starter kit:
– Large, highly developed brain
– Opposable Thumbs
– Complex Social Networks.
Now that you’re ready to begin, we suggest you make the most of your time. You may want to start by cultivating social relationships and improving conditions for other newcomers.
If you have questions, please consult your assigned advisor, SCIENCE. We wish you the best of luck during your time with us and look forward to seeing you in another form once your contract has expired.